


But just for tonight, hold on tight

by letsyesnomaybe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, heres your warning, sorry about that, zayn and harry die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-04 02:40:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2906171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsyesnomaybe/pseuds/letsyesnomaybe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"You really think this is gonna work, us taking care of a kid together?” Louis snorts. “Me and you, we hate each other, remember?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“We’ll make it work.” Liam says determined, even if the thought of living in a house with Louis makes him feel incredibly nauseous. “For Eva.”</i>
</p><p>(OR: Louis and Liam hate each other for the most part but when a fatal accident leaves them the guardians of their best friends’ daughter, they have to find a way to work together.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	But just for tonight, hold on tight

**Author's Note:**

> This is loosely based on Life As We Know It.
> 
> HARRY AND ZAYN DIE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. (I'm sorry for people who love the boys and the ship but I thought it would be more real if I used their friendship, and there is at least 8k of Zarry fluff beforehand so...)
> 
> The title is taken from Ed Sheeran's beautiful song 'Even my dad does sometimes'.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,”

Liam waves his hand dismissively, knowing after years of friendship that Zayn’s time schedule is at least twenty minutes behind everyone else. He gestures for the waiter—a guy Liam had to come to know since he found this little cafe that he loved, tucked away in an alley, in the corner of busy London—to come over as Zayn removes his scarf and coat.

“Are you ready to order, boys?” Harry asks with a bright smile, glancing in Zayn’s direction.

Of course Harry had a crush on Zayn, who’d he’d met on Liam’s second visit to the cafe and became completely enamoured with. Not that there are many people in the world who don’t become enamoured with Zayn the moment they meet him. He’s not blind or dumb, he knows how attractive his best friend is and that many people would probably want to fuck him, even if Liam has no interest in doing so.

“I’ll have a tea, please and our usual?” Liam asks Zayn who’s scanning the drinks menu.

Zayn nods, waiting for Harry to write down their normal food order of egg and chips. “Could I have a chai latte as well please, babe?”

“Only if you’ll have dinner with me on Friday night,” Harry says while writing down Zayn’s order.

It had become a little tradition between them, ever since the first time Zayn came here. Harry asks for his order and once Zayn had said it, he’d ask Zayn out, Zayn would say no and Harry would shrug and take the order anyway. Liam has to hand it to the lad, he’s persistent, it’s been almost six months now and he’s still trying.

“Alright,” Zayn agrees.

“Alright,” Harry repeats shocked.

Zayn nods. “I think you’ve earned it.”

“Alright,” Harry says a little giddy. “Alright, um, I’ll get your order.”

Harry walks away with the biggest grin on his face and Liam stares at Zayn.

“What?” Zayn asks casually.

“Don’t be a dick.” Liam scolds. “He’s a nice lad and if you’re not interested then you shouldn’t string him along.”

“Who says I’m stringing him along,” Zayn replies. “Maybe I want to find out if those pretty lips will look as nice wrapped around my cock as I’ve imagined.”

“You’re not going to just shag him, are you?” Liam asks worried. “Don’t make this be another place we can’t go because it contains one of your con-things.”

“Conquests,” Zayn corrects him. “And I’m not going to just shag him. You’ve got to have more faith in me, babe.”

“You’re not very good with relationships, Z.” Liam tells him, he knows it’s something Zayn knows so he’s not being harsh. “Harry looks like the type of lad that likes long term, and he’s nice and as much as I love you, if you ruin the one place in the entire of London that I like, we will no longer be friends.”

“We will never not be friends,” Zayn says confidently. “I’m not going to just shag him, okay? I promise.”

Liam nods, knowing that Zayn only makes promises if he intends to do everything in his power not to break them.

*

Six months later and the promise still holds strong. Only now Liam is physically disgusted by how in love his best friend is. He can’t go anywhere with Zayn now, without Harry being attached to his hip. Not that he minds, it’s hard to dislike Harry, especially when he makes Liam’s best friend so ridiculously happy.

“He’s running a bit late,” Harry says as he sits back down in the chair opposite Liam.

“Sounds like someone I know,” Liam says, smiling in his best friend’s direction.

Zayn rolls his eyes and slips his arm around the back of Harry’s chair casually. “I’m late on purpose. It’s not cool to show up to places early, Leeyum.”

“You’re so cheesy,” Harry giggles, digging his elbow in Zayn’s side. “It’s not cool to show up to places early, Leeyum.”

His impression of Zayn is spot on, even the expression Zayn did that he copies is exactly the same and Liam finds himself doubled over in laughter. By the time he’s caught his breath, the couple opposite him have managed to get lost in each other.

One of the down faults to having your best mate fall in love, it means there’s less attention for you. Not that Liam craves attention but he likes to have Zayn’s once in a while because out of everyone in Liam’s life, he is the only one that can make Liam feel like he’s valuable and that everything he says is worth listening to.

“Oh god, it’s even worse when it’s not over skype.” Someone says, pulling out the chair beside Liam.

The guy is attractive, is the first thing Liam notices. He’s got a little compact body that’s been fitted in to a pair of burgundy trousers with a pair of braces attached to them and a white fitted shirt underneath that’s buttoned all the way up to his neck. He’s also got a very pretty face, it’s not all sharp edges like Zayn’s or soft like Harry’s, it’s almost between them both with bright blue eyes to match. Liam knows if he had to say he had a type, this guy would be it.

Liam’s to busy staring that he almost missed when the guy offers his hand out towards him. “Louis, the lads call me _‘Tommo’_ , Haz calls me ‘Lou’ but you can call me whatever you want, darling.”

“His mum calls him _‘boobear’_.” Harry offers and an unexpected to Liam it pulls a laugh out of Louis.

“So she does, Harold.” Louis says with his eyes still on Liam. “So what do you say handsome. Shall we ditch the two love birds and head back to my hotel?”

“Um,” Liam replies dumbly and looks to Zayn for help.

“I think he was hoping for dinner and a bit of small talk firs, Lou.” Harry explains, offering Liam a reassuring smile.

“Oh, he’s one of them.” Louis says sounding almost disgusted.

“One of them?” Liam asks.

“You know, the boring type,” Louis explains, grabbing a piece of bread from the middle of the table. “You probably like long term relationships and can only have sex in the missionary position.”

“Oh,” Liam says, not knowing if he should be offended or not.

“How about we order?” Zayn suggests, trying to change the subject.

Harry nods like that’s the greatest idea he’s ever heard and throw the crust of his bread in Louis’ direction, obviously trying to tell him that’s his cue to shut up. Louis ignores him and opens up the menu and starts talking loudly about what he might order. Liam already knows this night is going to end in disaster.

They order their food and Louis flirts with the waiter, who has to be at least ten years their senior. He also flirts with the boy who brings them over the wine menu, who looks to be not much older than sixteen. He even flirts with the old woman who walks through the restaurant selling roses.

Liam feels disgusted to the point that when his food comes, he can only pick at it. Zayn and Harry attempt idle chit chat and Liam tries to join in, pretending Louis isn’t even there. Except that’s physically impossible because with the more alcohol Louis pours in to his body, the more handsy he gets and one stage he puts his hand on Liam’s thigh, high enough that Liam wouldn’t be comfortable with it, even if he wanted something to happen between them.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to go to the gents.” Liam says and pushes Louis’ hand off his thigh so he can stand up. He shoots Zayn a firm look and walks away from the table.

It’s not until he’s safely inside the men’s toilet that he feels calm again and not like he wants punch something or Louis. He’s pacing in the middle of the room, when Zayn comes strolling in.

“Are you going to pee?” He asks as he heads straight to one of the urinals.

“No,” Liam says leaning against one of the walls. “I just needed a break from that sex manic pig.”

“He’s not as bad as you’re making out.”

“He flirted with every single person that he came in to contact with and then felt me up,” Liam complains.

“He just takes some getting used to, is all.” Zayn says. “I didn’t like him at first, mostly because him and Hazza are really close, like closer than us which I thought wasn’t possible. But I moved past that and now I really like him.”

“Of course you like him,” Liam groans. “He’s you six months ago, only he’s worse because unlike you he has no shame.”

“Okay, that might be true.” Zayn says, moving to the sink to wash his hands. “But we get along really well and you and Harry get along really well and it would be great for us if you could get along with him too, even if you don’t want to shag him, will you at least tolerate him?”

Liam sighs, lifting himself up off the wall. “Fine, but if he says one more fowl thing or if he touches me...“

“You have my permission to slap him.” Zayn says with a small smile, drying his hands on his jeans, a habit Liam hates.

Liam smiles back as he walks over to his friend. “You owe me for this.”

“I owe you for a lot of things, babe.” Zayn tells him, hooking his arm around Liam’s shoulder as they head out of the toilets.

“I know right, my life would be so much easier if I didn’t have to pander to your every need.” Liam teases.

Zayn laughs and pinches his shoulder. “Cheeky bastard,”

*

Three years worth of Louis Tomlinson later and Liam is stood opposite him at the altar. There’s not a dry eye in the room when Harry and Zayn say their vows. Liam’s mother is openly sobbing in the front row, even his father gets caught reaching up to rub at his eyes once or twice. Zayn’s family had disowned him years ago when he first came out and Liam’s parents had taken him in, he’s been a part of their family since he was fifteen so Liam knows for them, it’s like watching one of their own get married.

Harry’s family aren’t fairing much better, his mother and father—who had divorced years ago and are happily married to other people—are clutching at each other’s hands and blubbering. Even his sister Gemma—who Liam’s come to know as a bit of a hard heart—is holding on tightly to her boyfriends arm, her lower lip trembling.

Liam can feel himself getting chocked up, especially when Zayn glances over his shoulder to smile at him, he looks so bloody happy and all Liam can think is ‘ _look how far you’ve come_ ’.

That’s just the ceremony, by the time they get to the reception and everyone has said their speeches, there’s not one person left who isn’t openly crying.

“You could clear a drought with the amount of tears in here tonight, bloody hell.” Louis comments as he comes to stand next to Liam at the bar afterwards.

“How can you say such a heartfelt speech and then just go back to being you?” Liam asks, gesturing with his empty pint glass to show the barman what he wants to order.

Louis shrugs and asks the barman for the same as Liam, flirting a little, even though he must know the guy is very much straight. Liam rolls his eyes, thanking the guy for his pint and walking away before Louis can ruin this day, along with millions of others he has since Liam met him.

“You’re best friend is a pig,” Liam says as he sits back down next to Harry and Zayn.

“You keep telling me,” Harry grins. “I’ve told you if you shag him he’ll stop being a pain in the arse but you won’t take my advice so I don’t know what else I’m supposed to be.”

“Shagging him would mean being in his presence for more than a few minutes,” Liam says, scrunching his nose up at the mere thought. “No, thank you.”

Harry snorts and shakes his head, squeezing Liam’s shoulder as he stands up and heads towards someone who must have caught his eye.

“Happy?” Liam smiles at his best friend.

Zayn leans back in his chair with a pleased grin. “Yeah, it’s been a good day.”

“It really has, honestly don’t think I’ve seen two people manage to make an entire room full of people cry at once.” Liam says amused. “That’s true talent, mate.”

“Your mum hugged me earlier and she was crying so hard I thought we were going to have to ring an ambulance.” Zayn laughs. “She was hyperventilating and everything.”

“She’s really proud of you.” Liam tells him. “We all are”

“Oh god, don’t you start.” Zayn says with a sheepish smile. “You’ll kick me off and I’ve done enough of that today. Bloody Harry. I was cool at one point, I swear it.”

Liam snorts. “You’ve never been cool, you’ve always been a dork—he just made you comfortable with who you are.”

Zayn opens his mouth to say something but he pauses when a loud crash comes across the room. The noise comes from behind Liam but with the way Zayn’s eyes widen, he knows it can’t be good.

“Please tell me it’s not the cake,” He pleads. His parents had spent an awful lot of money getting that cake made.

“Don’t turn around,” Zayn warns.

Liam does anyway because that’s exactly what you do when someone tells you not to do something. It is the cake and the person who’s currently sat on top of it—laughing like it’s the funniest thing in the world—has been a pain in Liam’s arse for the past three years.

“Tomlinson,” He growls, climbing from his chair.

Louis stops laughing instantly, his eyes widening when he notices how angry Liam looks. He jumps up from where he’s sat on the now squished cake and hides behind Harry, whose only two steps away.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Louis says as Liam tries to dodge Harry to get to him. “It was an accident, Payne. For Christ sake calm down.”

“You ruin everything!” Liam shouts and stops his foot, knowing Harry won’t ever move to let him kill Louis.

“Louis will pay your parents what the cake was worth,” Harry suggests trying to appease Liam.

“I’d rather kill him,” Liam replies, his chest heaving with how angry Louis makes him.

“Well I can’t let you do that, sorry.” Harry says sounding honestly apologetic. “He’s a pain in the arse but we’d all be lost without him, especially me.”

Louis kisses Harry’s cheek dramatically and the younger lad grins widely. Liam can feel his hands shaking with how angry he is and he doesn’t know why, he honestly thought he’d gotten past the point of caring about Louis Tomlinson’s existence.

“You’re just upset that I called you a boring fuck,” Louis says as if he’s reading Liam’s mind. “It’s not my fault I call them as I see them.”

Liam goes to lunge for him—not caring that the barrier he’s hiding behind just so happens be his best friend’s new husband—except a pair of arms wrap around him to stop him and Liam turns to be met with the face of his roommate Niall, whose easy smile somehow always seems to calm him down.

“Let’s get some fresh air in you, yeah?” Niall says and keeps a grip around Liam’s arms as he leads him outside.

Liam pulls away from him once they’re out there, pushing his fingers in to the front of his quiff in anger. “I hate him. God, he’s so, urg!”

“You know what they say about people who get you mad that easily?” Niall says, settling on the steps that lead to the venue where the reception is being held.

Liam narrows his eyes at him. “If you say sexual tension I will deck you in the face.”

“It’s true,” Niall shrugs, pulling a tin out of his jacket pocket. “Maybe if you two shag and get all that frustration out, you’ll be much nicer.”

Liam frowns.

“To each other, I mean,” Niall corrects, rolling a spliff on his lap.

Liam sits down next to him on the step and lets out a long breath. “Do you think I’m a boring fuck?”

“Mate, I’ve lived with you for the past year and our walls aren’t the thickest.” Niall shakes his head with an amused smile. “No, you’re not even close to a boring fuck. I actually felt sorry for that last lad you were seeing, he was so little. I thought you were gonna break him.”

Liam laughs and few minutes later when Niall offers him the joint to _‘calm him down’_ he takes it and hopes that he can make it the rest of his life without committing first degree murder.

*

Harry and Zayn spend the money from the wedding buying the little restaurant where they first met. They spend months doing it up and evoke everyone to help when they finally have the grand opening. It’s a great night, with all of their friends and family coming down to eat, along with a few unknown faces that had picked up one of the leaflets.

They’re all exhausted by closing time—with Liam helping Harry out in the kitchen and Louis helping Zayn serve—and practically collapse on Liam’s favourite table that’s tucked in the corner by the window.

“Okay, we’ve got some news.” Harry says from his place curled under Zayn’s arm.

“If it’s that you can’t afford the rent, you know we said we’d put half towards it for the first year to help you out.” Louis says because they had.

Liam knew that Harry and Zayn put everything they had towards the restaurant and while they’d been renovating the only income they had was from a few pieces of art Zayn had managed to sell. Whereas both Louis and Liam had a decent income coming in—with Louis and his photography company and Liam working as a physio—and apart from their expensive London apartments, their pay checks really weren’t being spent anywhere, at least Liam’s wasn’t. He also thought selfishly that he wanted to put some money towards this place because it had special meaning to him too.

“No, we’re fine, that’s all sorted.” Harry promises. “But thank you for the offer, we do really appreciate it.”

Liam spots the way Zayn’s hand curls around Harry’s waist and squeezes gently and he can’t help the warm feeling that floods through him, followed by the slightly jealous one, he’d been single for far too long.

“What’s your news then?” Louis asks impatient.

“We’re going to have a baby.” Harry tells him delighted. “Our friend Lou has said she’ll be a surrogate and we’ve got the money for IVF.”

Liam frowns. “You don’t think you’re moving too fast?”

“We’ve both finished our degrees, we got married, we bought the restaurant and Z’s sold a few paintings online.” Harry says, entwining his fingers through his husbands. “It’s the next step.”

“You’ve barley been married a year though,” Liam says, looking to Zayn. “Are you sure?”

“Stop pestering them,” Louis groans, reaching out to pinch Liam’s nipple, his new favourite way to irritate Liam. “I’m so happy for you both. I can’t wait to be an uncle, this is so exciting.”

Zayn and Harry both light up that and let Louis pull them in to a three way hug. Liam stays quiet, still unsure if the choice their making is the right one. Zayn looks at him over Louis’ shoulder and smiles reassuringly and that’s all Liam needs to dive in to the hug, making sure his one arm is wrapped tightly around his best friend's waist.

*

“Am I too late?” Liam asks, running in to the waiting room. “Is she here? Have I missed it?”

Everyone is in the waiting room from his parents to Harry’s, to friends that he hadn’t spoken to since the opening of the restaurant. But no one answers him, in fact they all look a little worried as they stare at him silently.

“What happened? Is she okay?” He demands, hating being the one out of the loop. He curses the hot rugby player that had extended his session and feels slightly guilty for missing the phone call for the blow job that was offered.

“The cord was wrapped around her neck,” Louis informs him, he’s tucked in the corner of the room, leaning casually against the wall. “She wasn’t breathing when she was born, they had to take her straight to the intensive care unit.”

Liam feel like he can’t breathe, terrified to lose this little human he didn’t even know yet. “Where are they?”

“They wouldn’t let them see her so your mum took Zayn for a coffee and H is with Lou.”

Liam nods and takes the seat closest to him, knowing he’ll have to sit and wait and worry with everyone else. If Louis—a child in man form—can be patient enough to wait for news then Liam can too.

He last all of five minutes before he starts getting irritated and his leg starts to jiggle nervously. It must start to irritate everyone because Gemma says something in a harsh whisper to Louis, and then Liam’s got the person who’s been a pain in the arse for the past four years, trying to settle his nerves.

“Mum says this happens all the time,” Louis says softly as he sits in the chair next to Liam. “They’ve taken her to NICU as a precaution, she should be fine.”

“That’s why you don’t look as worried as everyone else,” Liam notes.

Louis nods, placing a hand on Liam’s thigh to stop his leg moving. “My mum knows what’s she’s talking about, she’s been doing this kind of thing for years. Trust me, this time tomorrow they’ll have a snotty crying mess and they’re gonna be the happiest guys alive.”

“It’s probably killing him,” Liam explains, knowing his best friend well. “He’ll hate not being able to look after her now she’s here, now she’s his.”

“He’s fine, your mum knows him about as well as you do, she’s taking good care of him.” Louis promises, squeezing Liam’s thigh reassuringly, he wishes it wasn’t as comforting as it is, especially since the last time Louis has his hand there, he was trying to get in to Liam’s pants.

“How’s Harry?” Liam asks, feeling guilty that his other friend was an afterthought.

“That kid’s tougher than people give him credit for.” Louis says with a proud smile. “He’s pampering Lou and flicking through baby name books—the poor kid’s been on earth for almost an hour and still hasn’t got a name.”

“I was called baby boy Payne until I was three days old so I think she’s fine.” Liam says with ease, wishing all of his conversations with Louis were this easy.

“What took you so long anyway?” Louis asks. “It’s not like you to answer your phone, and I know for a fact your weren’t shagging anyone—“

Liam’s heated cheeks must give him away because Louis’ face goes from normal to a disgusting sleazy grin in a blink of an eye, he knows before Louis speaks that he’s not going to like what comes out of his mouth.

“Liam James Payne, were you fucking someone while your goddaughter was being brought in to the world?” Louis asks loudly, the entire waiting room is looking at them now, and not only the people Liam knows.

Liam jabs Louis hard in the ribs and pushes his hand from his thigh roughly. “I wasn’t fucking anyone.”

“What was it then? Did he fuck you?” Louis pushes, the grin till placed neatly on his lips. “Or was it a handy? I could see you being that boring.”

“Would you stop talking,” Liam groans, purposely looking at his lap to make sure he doesn’t catch anyone’s eye.

“Tell me and I will,” Louis promises.

Liam sighs, hating himself for giving in to Louis’ childish nature. “It was a blowjob.”

“You ignored your phone for a blow job,” Louis says in fake disappointment. “You’ve been holding out on me, Payno. You’ve been a crazed sex addict all along, haven’t you?”

Liam rolls his eyes, something he finds himself doing a lot around Louis. “I didn’t ignore the call, my phone was on silent and my sex life is of no concern to you. It never has been and never will be, alright?”

“God you’re extra tetchy today, guess the BJ wasn’t as good as you wanted it to be, huh?” Louis teases.

Liam can feel his hands balling in to fists and he knows he has to get out of there before he does something stupid, like shove Louis’ head through a wall. He gets up and goes on search of Zayn, knowing that even being in his friends company will calm him down. He’s following the signs to the café when Louis’ mother catches him in one of the corridors.

“You’re here,” She says delighted. “They’ve all been worried you’d been seriously hurt.”

Liam can still feel the heat in his cheeks and honestly hopes Louis doesn’t inform his mother—or Liam’s own mother at that—of the reason for his lateness.

“My phone was on silent,” He explains, it’s technically not a lie.

Jay gets a twinkle in her eye that Liam’s seen in Louis’ far too many times but unlike Louis, she does nothing with it. “Okay, well you’re here now. Would you like to meet her?”

“Of course,” He nods eagerly.

Jay grins—it’s the spit of her sons and for moment Liam wishes he’d stop seeing Louis in her so much, he hates the fact that he remembers anything about the other lad, let alone the small details—and slips her arm through his, leading him down the corridor and—after he’s washed his hands—through a set of doors. There’s cots with babies in that have tubes running in and out of them, and machines beeping everywhere. It reminds Liam of his childhood, from birth until he was seven, this was his life.

“Ignore the machines,” Jay tells him when they reach a certain cot. “They’re just monitoring her now because she had a difficult birth.”

Liam looks in to the crib, only to be met with one of the most beautiful babies he’s ever come across. She’s tiny, almost too small for his liking, he doesn’t understand how someone so small can survive in a world so big. She’s got on a baby grow that reads _‘I’ve just done nine months inside_ ’ that Louis had bought just after they got told about the surrogacy. Liam remembers when he’d gave it to Zayn and Harry, how they'd all giggled over it for at least half an hour. Liam couldn’t find the humour in it then, he can now, especially when she wriggles around in it, looking like she’s trying to break out.

“Do you want a hold?” Jay asks after she’s let him take her in for a few minutes.

Liam glances at her. “Have they?”

“You’ll be the first,” She informs him. “But I’m sure they won’t mind.”

Liam ums and ahs for a minute but Jay gives him that look Louis gives him sometimes--when he thinks Liam’s being an idiot--and he agrees. The tubes do freak him out a little bit, especially because he can’t see where they’re attached to her because they’re hidden by her babygrow.

“She’s perfectly fine, love.” Jay promises, as she settles the baby in his arms. “She’ll be able to go home with her daddies in a few days, they’re just making sure her lungs are okay because she couldn’t breathe on her own straight away.”

Liam feels a little more relieved, hearing it from someone who knows what they’re talking about. He retracts his previous statement as he looks down at the baby in his arms, she’s the most beautiful human he’s ever come across. She’s got lovely milky skin, a small tuft of bright blonde hair and huge green eyes that she blinks tiredly up at him and when she yawns, he feels his heart melt inside his chest. He’s fallen in love, for the first time in his life and it’s with his best mate’s hour old daughter.

“Trust you to hog first hold,” Zayn’s says from behind him.

Liam turns around slowly, cautious of the baby in his arms and the wires attached to her. “She’s amazing, mate. Job well done, gold star and all that.”

“She’s got Harry’s genes,” Zayn reminds him, moving closer with a bright smile on his lips and a glint of a tear in his eye.

“You chose Harry so technically you’re part of her creation,” Liam informs him, glancing down at the little human in his arms, unable to look away from her for more than a few seconds. “Remember when were younger, all those plans we had?”

“Hmm?” Zayn replies distracted, his daughter now taking most of his attention.

“We were going to travel, remember?” Liam reminds him, finally tearing his eyes away from the baby to look at his best mate. “We were going to travel around the world together and not care about anything or anyone, except the two of us.”

Zayn hums again and brushes a thumb across his daughter’s lower lip and smiles when she opens her mouth to attempt to suck on it.

“I’m so glad we didn’t,” Liam admits.

Zayn finally looks up at him, the smile not dropping for his lips. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Liam nods. “I’m glad you did what you truly wanted and didn’t let them take it away from you, like they would have done if we did what we planned. What I’m trying to say is that, I’m really proud of you, like insanely proud.”

“Thanks, babe.” Zayn says softly.

Liam nods and finally hands over his goddaughter to her father. Jay puts a comforting hand on his back when Zayn finally has hold of the baby and Liam smiles at her, knowing he couldn’t be happier if he tried.

*

Liam’s been on tour with the English rugby team for two months when Eva’s first birthday rolls around. So when he arrives at the house, and he gets his hands on the newly one year old, he refuses to give her up for anyone.

“You get more beautiful each time I see you, little missy.” He tells her, sitting on one of the garden chairs with her on his lap while Zayn sets up tables for the party in front of them. “Your daddies better keep a close eye on you because if I have to leave for that long again I’m going to have to steal you.”

Eva giggles at him when he presses kisses all over her face.

“So, how was touring with an entire rugby team?” Zayn asks with a teasing smile.

Liam picks up Eva and wiggles her above his head until she giggles again. “If that’s your way of asking me if I slept with any of them, the answer is no.”

“What about that George guy, the one that you were getting a BJ from instead of being at my daughter’s birth,” Zayn says with a smirk.

“I hate Louis for telling you that,” Liam groans.

“You hate me anyway, Payno.” Louis says appearing in the back garden from the kitchen. “I might as well have a bit of fun with it.”

He offers Zayn one of the beers from the pack in his hand and puts the rest on one of the tables already set up. Then he’s heading for Liam, attempting to take Evan from his lap.

“No,” Liam says childishly, tightening his grip around her. “She’s mine today, go away.”

Louis reaches his hands out but Eva’s distracted by playing with Liam’s beard to go to him like she normally would. “Zayn, tell Liam he’s hogging the baby.”

“I haven’t seen her in two months,” Liam informs him. “You’ve seen her every day, go away.”

“Zayn,” Louis whines.

Zayn rolls his eyes and takes his daughter from Liam. “Your uncles are children aren’t they, babe. Let’s go see what’s taking daddy so long with the food,”

He disappears inside with his daughter and Liam huffs, he knows he would have been allowed to have longer cuddling his goddaughter if Louis hadn’t have come and acted like a twat.

“How was fucking an entire rugby team?” Louis asks, uncapping a beer.

Liam rolls his eyes and moves to get himself a beer. “You don’t change, do you?”

“Why mess with perfection, I say.” Louis replies with a wink.

“You disgust me,” Liam informs him, moving away from him and inside. “When is everyone getting here then?”

“They’ll get here when they get here.” Harry snaps, looking one mistake away from a mental breakdown.

“Okay,” Liam says slowly, setting his beer on the countertop. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Yes, can you put some icing on these cupcakes for us please, babe?” Zayn asks from beside him, his arms lacking a certain baby.

“I wish I could help but as you can see I’m on baby duty,” Louis says smugly.

Liam looks over at him and sure enough he has Eva in his lap and an arrogant smile on his lips. God Liam wants to punch him.

“Cupcakes, Liam.” Zayn says a little more firmly, placing a tray of cupcakes down in front of him.

Liam reaches for the spoon in the icing bowl but Harry snaps at him to use the icing bag so he begins to fill that up instead.

“Who knew a one year old's birthday could be so stressful, ‘ey?” Zayn comments and slips behind Harry to whisper something in his ear.

Harry giggles and squirms. “You’re so cheesy.”

“Good thing you love me,” Zayn tells him with a grin.

“Sure do,” Harry agrees and leans back to press a kiss to Zayn’s jaw.

“Don’t worry, Eves.” Louis whispers, loud enough for them all to hear. “When you’re old enough I’ll teach you about love. I won’t let you become one of these awful people, never ever.”

Eva shouts at him, some nonsense in baby language but it makes Liam laugh, it’s almost like she’s telling him off for being so cynical.

“Even a baby is smarter than you,” Liam snorts as he covers the cupcakes in pink icing. “How much does your life suck?”

“At least I live my life,” Louis retaliates. “Instead of sitting around waiting for that perfect someone. Tell me this Liam, how much does it suck to have no one ever want to fall in love with you?”

Liam’s shoulders stiffen but only for a moment, he learnt a long time ago not to take everything Louis says to heart.

“Louis,” Harry says quietly, like even he knows Louis has taken it too far.

“You really hate it, don’t you?” Liam laughs dryly, turning to face Louis. “You hate that everyone doesn’t live their life in your sad cynical bubble. You know what I think?”

“What?” Louis asks sharply, but his expression is soft because Eva’s head is tilted up to look at him.

“I think that you’re scared,” Liam tells him with a small smile. “I think love terrifies you because to fall in love you’d have to let your guard down and show someone the true you and that scares the crap out of you. But we’ve all got baggage, Tommo. We’ve all got reasons to never let anyone in, maybe you’ve got more than others but that doesn’t mean you get to shit on us because we’ve been brave enough to get over ours.”

He gives Harry an apologetic look when he drops the icing bag on the counter but he physically can’t take being in that room with Louis for a moment longer. He goes out in to the garden and sits on the wooden swing chair, trying not to think about what he said, trying not to think about anything all.

Zayn comes out a few minutes later, he’s got Eva balanced on his hip so Liam assumes that Harry is probably in the house somewhere comforting Louis.

“You alright?” He asks, as he settles on the swing beside Liam.

“Yeah,” Liam says softly, lifting Eva in to his lap when she reaches out for him.                                                                       

“What you said inside,” Zayn says slowly, straightening his daughters dress as she stands on Liam’s thighs. “Do you really believe it?”

“I don’t know,” Liam shrugs, blowing a raspberry on Eva’s hand when she presses it to his lips. “Pars of it, I suppose. I mostly just wanted to hurt him, that’s the only thing I could think to say that might actually get through.”

“You couldn’t have just told him he was shit at football?” Zayn asks with a frown.

Liam sighs. “You’d think after four years we’d be better at being civil.”

“You’d think after four years you’d shag and get it over with.” Zayn says in a baby style voice so he can’t be in trouble for bringing up the topic in front of Eva.

“Don’t you start,” Liam complains. “Both H and Nialler think its sexual tension. I do not need you thinking that too, the last thing I want to do is shag Louis Tomlinson.”

“If you say so,” Zayn shrugs. “But I remember Steven Davies, you guys used to argue constantly in Geography until that day you banged him in the sixth form disabled toilets. You were nice as pie to each other after that.”

“That’s not fair, that was me trying to figure out my sexuality, this is nothing like that.” Liam insists.

“Whatever you say, babe.” Zayn says and takes his daughter back. “But when you come back inside, can you at least try to be civil?”

“He started it,” Liam proclaims.

“Didn’t mean you had to finish it, did it?” Zayn says and then groans. “Honestly, it’s like I have three kids.”

He complains to Eva about how problematic her uncles are all the way back to the house.

*

Liam doesn’t see Louis again until the party is in full swing, in fact he doesn’t see his best mates or his goddaughter either. There’s too many family and friends who have to know what working with the English rugby team is like, or if he can get them a date with one of them, or even if he’s dating one of them.

By the time he’s been around everyone it’s time to sing happy birthday to Eva and he manages to escape Harry’s step-sister’s clutches in order to get in to the kitchen to help with the candles.

“What is she wearing? Is that my christening outfit?” Liam asks, spotting Eva—in his sister’s arms—in a horribly discoloured white dress that looks like it came straight from the 18th century.

“It was mum’s choice,” Ruth informs him. “She knew Eva wasn’t going to be christened but it’s tradition for everyone in the family to wear it so…”

“Oh god, you poor babe.” Liam says, squeezing Eva’s hand when she reaches out for him. “Nani’s already being bossy and you’ve only just turned one.”

“I like it,” Zayn says from where he’s helping Harry cover the number one shaped cake in candles.

Liam smiles at him, understanding what he means, if his mother is being bossy and getting involved she feels comfortable enough in her position as Grandmother, a status Zayn had asked her about before Eva was even born.

“Are we ready?” Louis asks impatient, bouncing in the doorway like it was his birthday not his goddaughters.

“Can you put her in her highchair and we’ll bring the cake in?” Harry asks and Ruth disappears in to the living room, where everyone is waiting.

“Go on,” Zayn shoos Liam, fishing his lighter out of his pocket to light the candles.

Liam rolls his eyes playfully but does as he’s told, heading in to the living room with Louis hot on his trail. Everyone is stood around where Eva is sat at the table in her high chair. Liam fusses her for a second but moves to stand back when he can hears Harry and Zayn arguing in the kitchen over who gets to carry the cake in.

Louis stands next to him but Liam pays him no mind, sipping his beer until he hears the click of the camera going off and his eyes snap in Louis’ direction.

“Sorry, it’s for Eva’s album.” Louis says and sounds almost apologetic but then he grins, back to his usual self. “We need to show her what her uncle Payno is really like, drinking beer and looking bored while everyone who loves her sings her happy birthday.”

Liam ignores him, drinking what’s left in his bottle as the lights flick off and the birthday song starts. He sticks it on one of the side tables as Harry walks in carrying the cake, a very worried Zayn only two steps behind him. Everyone sings happy birthday and Eva claps along, clearly not having a clue what’s going on but enjoying herself anyway.

Louis takes photo after photo while Liam watches, completely in love with his best friend and his little family. Harry dishes the cake after he and Zayn help Eva blow out the candles. Liam helps him hand plates of it out to people and no one notices that Eva had preferred to cover herself in hers rather than eat it.

Liam laughs when he spots her, bending down to give her messy cheek a kiss, not caring that she grabs fistful of his shirt with her grubby hands when he does.

“This way, Payno.” Louis calls and Liam turns in the direction of his voice.

He smiles for the camera, getting Eva’s dirty hand pressed to his mouth as he does, like she’s trying to get him to enjoy her birthday cake along with her.

“Hazza,” Louis shouts once he’s taken the photo and pawns off his camera to his best friend when he comes over. “Press this and this and then hold this down, okay.”

Harry nods even though he looks completely confused by the piece of technology in his hands. Louis moves to the other side of the high chair and Liam gets the gist. He gestures for Louis to kiss Eva’s cheek and it feels like a small victory when Louis does it without a fight. He kisses her opposite cheek and she giggles, pressing her hands to both their faces just as Harry manages to figure out how to work the camera and take the picture.

*

There’s a banging on Liam’s door, it’s persistent and he honestly thinks if the person outside isn’t injured in some way, he’s going to injure them himself. He mumbles insults to himself as he climbs out of the bed, storming through his apartment like a child in a tantrum. When he swings the door open and Louis’ face is revealed behind it, it only angers him more rather than calm him down.

“Oh what the hell do you want?” Liam asks annoyed.

Louis doesn’t say anything, he stares at Liam and it takes a few seconds for Liam’s frustration to simmer down to actually notice the tears present in Louis’ eyes.

“What?” Liam asks concerned but Louis continues to stare at him with watery eyes. His heart starts to beat in his chest a little harder because in the entire time they’ve known each other, he’s never seen Louis this quiet. “For christ sake, Tommo. What?”

“I was driving down the A24 and—“Louis swallows loudly, as if he’s trying to fight back more tears. “There was an accident, and the car, it was theirs.”

“Whose?” Liam asks, even though in the back of his mind he knows.

“And I rang _him_ , to see if he’d answer, oh god I wanted him to answer and tell me I was being an idiot and that they’d had their car stolen or it was the same car with a similar number plate.” Louis continues like Liam hadn’t even spoken. “But then some cop answered, he told me—He said that...”

“No,” Liam shakes his head, not wanting to believe what Louis’ telling him.

“He said there were no survivors,” Louis says quietly.

It’s almost too quiet but to Liam, it might as well have been screamed in his face. It’s not real, it can’t be, he’d only spoken to Zayn a few hours, they’d argued about whose turn it was to host dinner tomorrow night. It was his, he knew it was. He was just having too much fun listening to Zayn complain about all the responsibilities he had now he was a father of a one year old.

“Eva!” Liam suddenly blurts. “Eva. Was she—was she with them?”

Louis shakes his head, wiping at his eyes. “It’s a Thursday, she’s at Harry’s mums. They were—they were on their way to pick her up.”

“Oh god,” Liam says thinking of the poor little girl who’d just lost both her fathers.

Liam can’t believe it, his brain won’t process it being true. Harry was always such a careful driver and had only been more cautious since having Eva. Louis had to have got it wrong, he had to or this had to be some kind of sick prank. Liam goes to start yelling but then he notices Louis isn’t looking at him, he’s looking over his shoulder and when Liam turns he finds a half-naked rugby player standing in the doorway to his bed droom.

“Everything okay?” George asks sounding genuinely concerned.

Liam nods, even though his entire throat feels on fire with the tears he’s trying to hold back. “Yeah, um, is it okay if you go? There’s kind of been an emergency.”

“Of course,” George agrees easily. “Let me just grab some clothes and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Liam continues to stare at the spot where he was stood, even when he’s gone back in the bedroom.

“What do we do?” Louis asks from behind him.

Liam can feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he blinks, allowing one to fall and he can hear how broken his voice sounds when he talks. “I don’t know.”

He can hear Louis crying, can hear the other lad having to physically heave air in order to breathe. But he can’t bring himself to turn around, something selfish in him thinking of his own pain at the loss of his best friend, making him not register that Louis was going through the exact same thing.

George comes back out of the bedroom, now dressed in his own skinny jeans and one of Liam’s plaid shirts that he’s left undone.

“You know where I am if you need me,” He says, pressing a gentle kiss to Liam’s cheek before he leaves.

Liam doesn't turn around until he hears the engine to George’s range rover and he finally catches sight of Louis. He doesn’t know what possesses him to do it, to step forward and wrap his arms around Louis, he tells himself it’s because Louis needs it but a selfish part of him knows he needs it too.

“I don’t know how to do it,” Louis sobs in the hollow of Liam’s collarbone. “I’ve never had to live without him, how am I supposed to—I don’t how to do it.”

Liam rocks them both and hushes him softly, his own silent tears trailing his cheeks.

*

The cry for a long time and when there’s no tears left they’re silent but the silence breaks Liam more than the tears ever had. He’s alone with his thoughts when it’s silent and the thoughts he’s having right now, only seem to make the ache in his chest grow more.

“Do you have any alcohol?” Louis ask suddenly, standing up from where they’d settled on the couch in Liam’s living room.

“Yeah, under the sink in the kitchen.” Liam says quietly, his voice fucked from crying.

Louis disappears and there’s lots of banging and what sounds like glass breaking followed by Louis cursing loudly. Liam leaves him to it, he can tear Liam’s kitchen apart if he wants, if that’s what he needs. Liam thinks he might join him in fact.

He doesn’t get a chance to get up because Louis’ returning to the living room with two bottles of whiskey and blood dripping from a cut on his hand. He goes to hand Liam one of the bottles but Liam ignores it, instead pulling his shirt over his head, to wrap it around Louis’ cut hand.

Louis lets him do it, dropping back on to the couch and unscrewing the whiskey bottle. Liam takes the other bottle from him once he satisfied that the t-shirt has stopped the bleeding.

They drink their individual bottles, sat next to each other on the couch, their thighs the only part of them touching.

“I rang Anne,” Louis says swallowing loudly. “For confirmation,”

Liam nods when Louis looks over to see if he’s listening.

“She just sobbed down the phone to me and I had to hang up on her because I’m a fucking coward.” He says and takes a long swig from his bottle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards. “I didn’t want to believe it, I didn’t want her to tell me that he’d—that they—I didn’t want her to say what I knew because then it would be true and…”

Liam goes to drink from his own bottle but then drops it back to his side when something crosses his mind. “What happens to Eva?”

“Anne will probably get custody, or your mum maybe.” Louis tells him with a shrug. “I don’t know if they had a will, they wouldn’t have thought—they were so young, you know.”

“Yeah,” Liam answers barely above a whisper.

“It doesn’t feel real,” Louis says after another swig. “I don’t know how to live without him. Who am I supposed to call when I’m drunk off my arse and need taking care of, who am I supposed to talk to about my family, who am I supposed to go when I need a laugh or a cuddle or a general chat.”

Liam doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say that will be helpful because the same thoughts are going through his own head and he doesn’t even know how to appease himself, let alone Louis.

“I’m never going to hear his voice again, or hear him laugh or cry or yell.” Louis says like it’s a sudden realisation.

Liam drinks the rest of his bottle in one because he doesn’t want to think anymore, he doesn’t want to have all the thoughts Louis is saying out loud running through his head. He’s not strong enough for this, Zayn was always the strong one, and the smart one and the patient one and funny one. He was everything and Liam was nothing, is nothing, without him.

*

Liam doesn’t see Louis cry after that night, he’ll catch him coming out of rooms with red eyes and a furious look on his face but he never visibly cries, not in front of anyone. It worries a few people, who for some reason think Liam will know if Louis is holding up well or not. It’s not that Liam doesn’t care, he and Louis had their problems but they’d known each other for years, he still cared about Louis, even if it was _deep_ down. But he had his own stuff going on and if Louis wanted to handle his mourning by hiding if from everyone then Liam was going to leave him to it, he had his own mourning to contend with and he definitely wasn’t as well held together without Zayn as Louis was without Harry.

They don’t get to see Eva until the funerals, she’d been hogged by family members who obviously thought having her around them would keep her from noticing her daddies weren’t around anymore. Of course, those people she wasn’t used to seeing as much as Louis and Liam so by the time he finally get to see her, she’s practically falling out of her Auntie’s grip to get to him.

“Hello, beautiful girl.” Liam says softly as he takes her from Gemma’s arms.

Gemma strokes her fingers through her niece’s hair. “I feel like she knows, she hasn’t stopped crying since that night and when she’s not crying she looks sad. Do you think babies can sense things like this?”

“Maybe,” Liam answers, focusing in on his goddaughter who’s now clutching to him for dear life.

Gemma squeezes his arm gently and presses a kiss to her niece’s temple, disappearing in to the house that’s crowded with people. Liam rests his chin on top of Eva’s head and listens to her uneven breathing as she tries to bury her face as far as she can in to his neck. People are watching him, he can feel their eyes from every angle and he uses Eva as an excuse to disappear upstairs but really it’s for both of them, he knows he needs to get her away from all the people with sad expressions and he needs to get out of there too, for the sake of his own sanity.

The only problem is the upstairs of the house is littered with people too and Liam only knows one room where people won’t be. His hand shakes as he reaches for the door handle and he has to give himself a minute before he can push it open.

The room has a horrible air to it and it’s too silent. Liam doesn’t like it, knows he can’t stay in it and the moment his eyes catch the built in wardrobe in the corner, he heads straight for it. He sits on the floor inside it, with Eva on his lap and tugs the door shut as far as he can get.

It smells like them and when Liam tilts his head up he catches sight of some familiar pieces of clothing he’d seen both Harry and Zayn wear. One item in particular catches his eye, a knitted jumper that was navy colour with silver bits on it so it looked a bit like the galaxy. He’d seen both Zayn and Harry wear that jumper between them enough times that he’s surprised it’s not fallen apart. He keeps one arm wrapped tightly around Eva as he leans up to tug the thing off the hanger.

Eva grabs on to it the instant he puts it in front of her and she brings it to her face, nuzzling her nose in to it. It makes the tight arm Liam has around her grasp even harder

“Baba,” She says in one soft breath. Liam’s heart breaks in two.

He starts humming a tune—a thing he used to do when he was nervous as a child—because he thinks it will calm him down. For some reason the tune turns in an Ed Sheeran song and he can hear Eva’s breath start to even out as she slumps a little in his lap, he wishes for a moment that he could fall asleep that easily.

The door opens not long after Eva starts snoring a little and Louis’ face appears, a look of relief crossing his face when he spots the two of them on the floor.

“Hey,” Liam whispers.

“Hey,” Louis echoes softly, moving inside and closing the door behind him. “Why are we hiding in here?”

“There’s lots of people, she didn’t like it.” Liam explains, brushing the pads of his fingers across Eva’s that are clutching the jumper.

Louis sits down next to them, his body mirroring Liam’s. “I agree with her.”

“Hmm.” Liam hums, closing his eyes as he rests his head on top of Eva’s.

“I was talking to Anne,” Louis starts, his tone gentle as to not wake Eva. “She said that they had made a will, that Gemma was the one they went to for it. Apparently there’s something she’s got to discuss with us when we feel we’re ready.”

“Harry probably left you his record collection,” Liam says, opening one eye to look at Louis.

“I was hoping more for Zayn’s comic collection, if I’m honest.” Louis replies with a wisp of a smile.

“Trade ya?” Liam suggests.

“Deal,” Louis nods, dropping his gaze to Eva. “Do you think she has any idea?”

“Gemma’s said she’s been crying a lot,” Liam tells him. “I think she’s going to notice, they were her daddies, the only daily recurring faces she’s had since the day she was born.”

“Apart from us,” Louis adds.

“Apart from us.” Liam agrees. “Might be why she came to me without a fuss earlier.”

“Anne told me she wouldn’t settle for anyone the past few nights,” Louis sighs, reaching across to play with Eva’s hand as well, his fingers brushing against Liam’s as he does. “Not even Robin and he’s the one who can usually get her down when she spends nights at theirs.”

“Maybe she does know,” Liam says softly, looking down at the sleeping baby on his lap. “But I hope not.”

*

Eva almost screams the street down when Anne tries to take her home that night. Liam can feel the ache building his chest again as he watches her little face go red, the tears like raindrops resting on her cheeks. Robin is holding her but she’s leaning out of his grip, trying to get to Louis.

“I could have her,” Liam suggests, not able to watch her get any more upset. “I was going to stay here for the night anyway to start packing their things before whoever comes to take the house.”

“It’d be good to let her sleep in her own bed, she probably needs somewhere familiar.” Louis adds to try and be helpful.

“Okay,” Anne agrees easily. “If you boys are sure?”

“Of course we’re sure,” Liam promises, gesturing for Louis to take Eva from Robin.

Louis does and Eva settles instantly, shoving her thumb in her mouth and letting her head drop to his shoulder.

“I’ll be over in the morning, to talk about their will,” Gemma tells them, once her parents have left for the car. “If that’s okay?”

“That’s fine.” Liam agrees.

She glances between them with a look that Liam had seen on Harry several times, he doesn’t know what it means but Louis obviously does as he tells Gemma goodbye loudly and all but forces her out the door. Liam raises his eyebrows at him once the front door's shut but Louis ignores him, pawning Eva off on him.

“I’m going for a bath, she’ll need feeding.” Louis says, heading up the stairs.

“Yeah, cheers, great, thanks for the help.” Liam grumbles, carrying Eva in to the kitchen.

He tries to sit her in her high chair but she refuses to let him go so he carries her around the kitchen, trying to make her food out of what is left in the cupboards. He ends up finding a jar of mushed baby carrots in the back of the fridge and goes in to the living room, settling Eva on his lap as he sits on the couch.

She doesn’t eat much, only has about three spoon fills before she starts fussing and turning her head away from the spoon. Liam doesn’t force her, his appetite had been off too. Instead he puts the jar and spoon on the table and flicks on the TV. There’s some boring programme about wild cats that he leaves on because Eva perks up the moment she sees the big kitty cats on the TV.

*

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knows its dark outside, his lap is childless and there’s a blanket thrown over the top of him. Louis is asleep to his left, curled up in the corner of the couch with his hand resting off the side, the remote almost falling out of it. He's dressed in a pair of Harry's jogger and the jumper Eva had been clutching earlier.

“Hey,” Liam says, shaking him softly. “Tommo, you wanna go upstairs to sleep?”

“Hmm,” Louis grumbles, blinking his eyes open.

“Take the guest bedroom,” Liam tells him. “I’ll take the couch, there’s no point both of us sleeping down here.”

“Don’t you wanna get changed?” Louis asks, looking Liam up and down.

Only then does Liam realise he’s still in the suit he wore to the funerals. “I can sleep in boxers, if you’ll go upstairs and leave me to it.”

“If you’re gonna be in boxers then I’m certainly not going to leave you to it.” Louis smirks, even though his eyes still look tired and broken.

Liam grimaces, their normal _‘banter’_ feeling weird now there’s not two other people to bounce if off. “Last chance, if you don’t go now then I will.”

“You go,” Louis yawns, settling back down on the couch.

Liam’s too tired to argue so he throws the blanket that was thrown over him over Louis instead and heads up stairs to bed. Though he barley has chance to strip down to his boxers, when Eva starts screaming so loud he’s sure she’s woke the neighbours. He rushes to pull his trousers back on, almost tripping over his own feet to get to her room.

“I’m coming, baby.” He tells her, rushing across the landing.

He spots Louis on the stairs, looking just as panicked as he takes them two at a time, not able to get up there fast enough. Liam gets inside the room first, and Eva reaches out her little hands for him, her screaming stopping immediately and instead changing to heart breaking whimper. Liam preferred the screams.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Louis says as he comes in to the room, he nudges Liam out of the way so he can collect Eva from her crib.

It takes them a good ten minutes—and Liam singing—to calm her down and back in to a placid state.

“I forgot how much she looks like him,” Louis says as he rocks Eva, her big green eyes blinking up at him tiredly.

Liam strokes his thumb gently across Eva’s cheek and she turns her head to smile at him, it’s the spitting image of Harry’s, dimples and all.

“It’s nice, you know,” Louis continues, looking between the one year old in his arms and Liam. “That even though he’s not here, she is, like a little piece he left behind.”

“Yeah,” Liam whispers.

That ache in his chest is back again. Louis’ right, they do have a small piece of Harry in Eva but they don’t have anything left of Zayn. Not a family member, or a distant relative, nothing.

“Oh god, Liam.” Louis says quickly, obviously picking up on what Liam’s thinking. “I didn’t mean—“

Liam cuts him off by shaking his head, swallowing down the tears welling up in his throat. “No, it’s okay. This is what he wanted.”

“She’s a part of him too, maybe not genetically but she is.” Louis promises. “We’ll teach her things, he wanted her to know his faith, right? So we’ll teach her all about that and—“

“It’s fine.” Liam says, cutting off Louis’ ramble. Knowing he can go on for days once he gets going and Liam can’t talk about this, not now, not this soon after.

“Baba,” Eva says sleepily, almost as if she can understand the conversation going on around her.

“That’s right, baby.” Liam tells her and presses a kiss to her temple. He has to leave the room then, not wanting to upset her by crying in front of her.

He sits on the bed in the guest room but he doesn’t cry like he wants to, it’s almost as if the past three days have dried him of tears. Instead he stares at the wall blankly, trying and failing to think he’ll be able to survive in a world without his best friend.

Louis wanders in almost ten minutes later, he looks as exhausted as Liam feels. “She’s down, I don’t know how long she’ll stay asleep for though.”

“I’ll keep an ear out for her, don’t think I’ll get much sleep either.” Liam says quietly, scared if he talks louder he might break.

Louis nods but doesn’t leave, instead he crosses his arms and his ankles, leaning on the door panel. “You alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” Liam replies, not wanting to lie.

“You know I meant it, right? He’s a part of her and we’ll make sure she knows that.” Louis promises.

Liam nods and he feels them then, the dry sobs that start to rack his chest. Louis lifts himself from where he’s leaning and walks over to sit next to him on the bed.

“It just feels like Harry has left all these people behind and who does Z have?” Liam says and he feels like he can’t breathe. “He’s got me and my family sure, maybe two friends he made in Uni. But that’s it and it doesn’t make sense because he was—he was so great.”

“He was.” Louis agrees, placing his hand gently on Liam’s bare back.

“Eva won’t know, she won’t have enough people to tell her how great of a person her baba was like she has for her daddy.” Liam admits and he knows it’s selfish and he loved Harry but he just misses his best friend.

“She’s got us,” Louis says obviously. “We’ll be here to tell her. She won’t not know, Liam.”

Liam nods as if to except Louis’ words, and Louis keeps rubbing his back, not even making a pervy joke about the fact that Liam’s shirtless. It’s almost like they’re on some kind of truce, being nice to each other until they both stop feeling numb.

*

Gemma gets there early the next morning, before Louis and Liam are even ready for the day. Liam’s shirtless and in a pair of sweats he stole from Zayn’s draw, cooking him and Louis some bacon he’d found in the back of the fridge, obviously hidden there by Harry who’d sworn not to eat pig because Zayn didn’t for religious reasons. Eva is in her high chair, picking at some cheerios Louis had thrown on the small table attached to it, after she pitched a fit over the porridge Liam was trying to feed her. Louis is sat on the counter, looking at something on his phone.

When the doorbell goes Louis doesn’t even look up from his phone and Liam mumbles something about him being an unhelpful dick as he heads through the house to answer it.

Gemma is dressed head to toe like a business woman, which is a weird for Liam to see, he’s used to seeing her in skinny jeans and Chelsea boots that match her brothers. Not that he didn’t believe she was a high flying lawyer, he’d been told by Harry enough times and when he’d had his own conversations with her about it, you could tell she knew what she was talking about.

“Come in,” He says, pulling the door open far enough for her to do so. “We’re just having breakfast but I’m sure we can talk while we eat.”

Gemma offers him a small smile, it’s a little broken and Liam knows why. It must be horrible for her, having someone else acting so homely in her dead brother’s house. He understands, if it had been anyone else, even if his own mother had moved in to take care of Eva, he wouldn’t have liked it, probably wouldn’t have come here again.But if feels different with him, Louis and Eva. The house still feels like his second home, like it did when it was occupied by his by his best friends. It’s almost like they’d gone on holiday and left Louis and Liam in charge of Eva for a bit. He hates himself for thinking like that because it’s like he’s giving him false hope for something that’s never going to be true.

“There’s a few things I need to go over,” Gemma explains as she leads the way in to the kitchen, stopping to fuss over Eva once she’s fully inside. “Some legal things and then some other things, mostly stuff they’ve left that now belong to you.”

“Shall we start with the legal stuff?” Louis asks, jumping down from the counter. “Best to always start with the boring stuff.”

Gemma nods unbothered, still playing with Eva. Liam moves over to the bacon that still rests on the stove, switching it off and getting two plates and some bread. He lets Gemma play with Eva until he’s made his and Louis’ bacon sarnies, and then he sits down next to Louis, clearing his throat.

“So, what legal stuff is there to discuss?” He asks gently, wanting this conversation to be as painless as possible.

“Well the most important thing first,” Gemma says slowly, pulling out a file from her bag and placing it on the counter as she sits down. “The, um, the guardianship of Eva.”

“So they did think about it,” Louis comments offhand, bacon sarnie half way to his mouth.

“They did,” Gemma tells him, pulling out some papers from inside the file. “When they came to me, the decision seemed already made, like they’d had it decided all along.”

Liam nods because that makes sense, it sounds like Zayn, to decide on everything before he jumps in to something and a child is a big step.

“They named you guardians of Eva,” Gemma explains, handing them both a piece of paper.

“They named us?” Liam asks confused.

“The both of us together?” Louis adds equally as confused.

Gemma nods. “I know it’s not exactly convenient, considering how you two feel about each other but that’s what they wanted. You’re who they wanted, for Eva.”

Eva makes a noise from her high chair, obviously noticing the sound of her own name. Liam looks over at her, she's smiling, not a care in the world and not a clue to what’s going on. He looks down to the piece of paper in his hand, it’s a copy of Zayn and Harry’s will.

“I got the comic collection,” Louis says quietly.

Liam snorts and let his eyes scan to find the part Louis’ reading. “I got the record collection.”

“They knew us too well, didn’t they?” Louis complains, there’s not heat behind it, in fact he almost sounds amused.

“This is what they wanted?” Liam asks Gemma for confirmation.

Gemma nods, flicking through the file for something else. “It’s the only part they checked and double checked to make sure I had it right.”

“They gave us the restaurant,” Louis says shocked, obviously still reading over the will.

Liam looks back over it too and frowns. “And the house.”

“What do they expect, for us to fill their shoes now they’re gone?” Louis says angrily.

“Lou,” Gemma tries.

“I won’t do it,” Louis spits. “I refuse, I will not take his place. How can he expect me to just step in to his shoes like that, drop everything in my life and just take over his? No, I won’t and he’s a selfish bastard for asking me to.”

He throws his sandwich and the paper back down on the counter and storms out of the room. Eva makes an unsure noise, obviously picking up on Louis’ temper tantrum. When Louis stays gone from the kitchen, she cries out for him in her own little way and when he still doesn’t come back, she starts to cry. Liam jumps up from his stool and moves to collect her from her high chair.

“I’ll let you have the day to come to terms with it all,” Gemma says, collecting her things.

Liam bounces Eva gently, trying to soothe her and calm her down. “What, if say, one of us wanted to take her, on his own? Is that possible?”

“Yes, I’ve got papers for you to sign and either you can take on the responsibility of being Eva’s guardian or you can wave your rights away.” Gemma informs him. “If one of you waves his rights and the other doesn’t, then because you’re not a couple, the law will treat you as two singles, which means being a single guardian for Eva is possible.”

Liam nods, pressing his lips to Eva’s temple as she sniffles in to his chest. Gemma shoves the file back in to her bag and makes her way out of the kitchen, pausing at the door.

“That’s not what they wanted though,” She tells him. “You know that, right?”

Liam nods again, of course he knows that but Louis is pig headed and stubborn and he will not be the reason Liam doesn’t adhere to his best friend’s wishes.

*

Louis hides upstairs and sulks for most of the day and Liam lets him but when he’s trying to get Eva to bed and she won’t stop crying, he thinks enough is enough. He storms in to the spare room where he thought Louis had been hiding but comes up empty, he thinks about searching the rest of the house but he’d been in most of the rooms today— sorting through things—and he knows there’s only once place Louis can be.  

Eva’s cries have quietened down to sniffles by the time Liam works up the courage to open the door to the main bedroom. He ignores the main part of the bedroom, knowing that’s not where Louis will be, instead he heads straight towards the built in wardrobe that has the door ajar.

“I guess this is our new hiding place,” Liam says, keeping a tight grip around Eva as he lowers himself to sit down next to Louis.

Louis barely looks at him, his face pressed to his knees that are drawn to his chest so close that Liam barely notices the necklace clutched tightly in his hand. It’s the cross necklace that Harry never took off, only now it’s got two wedding rings on the chain with it.

“You wouldn’t be replacing him,” Liam promises softly, his throat feeling slightly dry due to seeing the rings. “I don’t think that’s what he wanted at all. He just left you everything that was most important to him.”

“He left me things and I don’t want them, I want him.” Louis states. “I don’t want a dumb restaurant or a stupid house. I want my best friend.”

“And Eva?” Liam asks, looking down at the little girl who is falling asleep against his chest, obviously comforted by the closet somehow.

“I can’t take care of her like he did,”

“No one expects you to,” Liam informs him. “But you _can_ take care of her. I know you can, you love her as much as I do, as much as they did.”

Louis sighs. “I never wanted a quiet family life, it’s the exact opposite of what I had planned.”

“Taking care of Eva doesn’t mean you have to change anything about your life, Tommo.” Liam says with a small smile when Louis looks at him. “You can still be a sex manic pig, only now instead of going home to empty flat you come home to me and Eva.”

“You really think this is gonna work, us taking care of a kid together?” Louis snorts. “Me and you, we hate each other, remember?”

“We can make it work.” Liam says determined, even if the thought of living in a house with Louis makes him feel nauseous. “For Eva.”

Louis finally stretches his legs out in front of him and drops his eyes down to the baby girl in Liam’s lap. “For Eva.”

*

“That’s not how it works,” Louis tells him, though he doesn’t offer any help, standing by the door with Eva resting on his hip. “You’ve got it clipped together all wrong.”

Liam frowns, trying to figure out which clips goes in which hole and wonders how Harry was able to strap this thing on in five seconds flat.

“Are you going to agree to take the pushchair now?” Louis wonders with an amused smile.

“No, hand me Eva.” He says, reaching his hands out for her.

“I will not,” Louis refuses, putting a protective hand on the back of Eva’s head. “Try it with the teddy first.”

Liam picks up the teddy that weighs half the weight of Eva and puts it in the carrier strapped to his test. When it doesn’t fall, he lifts his hands in celebration, but sighs when the motion has the teddy plummeting to the floor.

“We’ll take the pushchair,” Louis says with finality.

Liam nods, pulling the carrier off himself and throwing it on the bed in frustration. He hears Louis snigger slightly as he walks out of the room and mumbles choice curse words to himself as he follows.

“Do you think she’s dressed warm enough?” Louis asks as he straps Eva in to her pushchair.

“It’s autumn, she should be okay in her cardigan.” Liam answers unsure.

“I’ll grab a coat, in case.” Louis says and runs upstairs before Liam can tell him otherwise.

“Uncle Tommo’s a bit protective, isn’t he baby?” Liam says to Eva in a baby voice. She reaches out her hand to show him her bunny teddy—the one he’d gotten for her the day she was born and that she’d slept with ever since—that was looking a little worse for wear.

“I could only find winter coats so I got a knitted blanket instead,” Louis says as he runs back down the stairs.

Liam looks to him and then back to Eva. “Do you think we should give her bunny a wash?”

“How are we supposed to do that when she's never without it?” Louis asks, stuffing the blanket in the baby bag attached to the pushchair.

“Distract her?” Liam suggests.

Louis grabs the toy duck from inside the bag and hands it to Liam with raised eyebrows. Liam snatches it from him and holds it out in front of Eva, who instantly takes it, like she does anything that’s waved in front of her. He tugs on the bunny’s ear to pull it from under her arm while she’s distracted by the duck.

“She’s going to notice,” Louis says all knowing.

Liam rolls his eyes, heading in to the kitchen to put the bunny in the washing machine but he barley has chance to open the door to the machine before Eva starts screaming. Liam sighs and closes the door to the machine harder than he probably should, heading back out of the kitchen.

“I will punch you in the face,” He tells Louis who’s smiling at him smugly.

“This anger you have towards me isn’t good if we plan to raise a child together, Payno.” Louis explains, wrapping his hands around the handle of the pushchair.

Liam rolls his eyes and opens the front door. “If we make it to her second birthday with you still breathing I’d count that as a win if I were you.”

Louis laughs all the way out of the house and for once Liam doesn’t feel like he wants to punch him. He actually thinks this might be their version of getting along.

“Which park?” Louis asks as they start down the street

“There’s a little one nearby or we could catch a train and go to regent?” Liam suggests, checking to make sure Eva is comfortable as they walk.

“Regent will be busy on a Saturday, let’s stay local.” Louis says and they both fall in to a silence as they start the ten minute walk to the small park close by.

They manage half an hour in the park with no arguing—apart from the little spat over who got to push Eva on the swing—and they’re trying to decide what to have for lunch, when Louis gets distracted by something or _someone_. When Liam follows the other lads gaze, he finds a guy, that can’t be much older than Liam was when they first met.

“Who’s that?” Liam asks when Louis glances over his shoulder once more.

“What?” Louis replies distracted.

Liam rolls his eyes and takes the pushchair from Louis’ hands. “Go.”

“No, we’re having a day out. I’m not—“

“Louis, we’ll be fine,” Liam promises with an amused smile. “Would you go already?”

“Okay,” Louis says, checking to see if the guy is still there. “If you’re sure?”

“Why are you asking me?” Liam grins. “It’s not like you to question an easy shag, Tommo.”

For the first time in the entire time they’ve known each other, Louis doesn’t spit anything back. Instead he smiles at Liam, bends down to give Eva a kiss and jogs off towards the guy.

“And then there were two, hey kiddo?” Liam says, pulling back the cover of the pushchair so he can see Eva.

She leans her head back to look at him and holds up her grubby bunny to show him.

“I will get that from you, you know.” Liam tells her, searching in his pockets for his phone.

“No,” She tells him, as if she understands what he’s talking about him.

“Yes,” He replies childishly and dials a number in his phone.

“’ello, Payno. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Hey,” He says. “I’ve got Eva, we’re at the park. Come and meet us?”

“I thought you and Louis were having a day out,” Niall replies, teasing tone to his voice.

“I’m buying us both some chips,” Liam says, pretending Niall hadn’t even spoke. “Do you want some?”

Niall laughs. “Sure, I’ll be there in ten.”

Liam smiles and hangs up the phone, pushing Eva towards the chip van.

*

“So, have you shagged Louis yet?” Niall asks when he sits down the picnic table Liam’s sat at.

Liam feeds Eva—who’s sat on the table in front of him—another chip from the bag on the table beside her. “We’re doing well, I think. We’re managing.”

“I’ll take that as a no then,” Niall says, reaching for Eva when she looks in his direction.

“No,” Eva says and reaches for Liam, wanting off the table and away from Niall.

“Sorry,” Liam says to Niall who looks a little hurt by her reaction. “She’s been like this since—I think she’s scared if she lets someone hold her that they won’t give her back.”

“She won’t even go to Anne or your mum?” Niall asks curiously.

“No, it’s me and Louis or she’ll scream bloody murder.” Liam shrugs, lifting Eva off the table and on to his lap.

Niall makes a thoughtful face. “That must suck,”

“Hopefully it’s just a phase.” Liam says as he reaches for Eva’s juice that’s in the pushchair

“Honestly though, mate.” Niall says once Liam has Eva settled. “How are you holding up?”

“Alright,” Liam answers honestly. “I thought it would be harder, especially with Louis, but we’re making it work.”

“Yeah,” Niall nods, a serious expression on his face that Liam knows is never good.

“What?”

“I mean, it’s good that you’re doing well with Louis and Eva, that’s really good to hear.” Niall says with a small smile. “But I meant how are you holding up personally?”

Liam looks down at Eva, who’s sipping at her cup and staring at Niall like he’s untrustworthy. “I’m okay, if I don’t think about it.”

“And when you do?” Niall asks.

“I’m a mess,” Liam admits.

“Alright,” Niall nods, as if that was the answer he was expecting. “Well, you know where I am if you need a break from Eva, or Louis, or you need somewhere to go to let it all out.”

Liam nods, pressing his lips to the top of Eva’s head. He tells himself he can do this—he can be happy in this new life where he’s in charge of one year old and lacking a best friend—because he still has people here, people who love him and care about him and he knows as long as he has that, he can make it through.

*

Liam’s mother comes over that night to check on them, as if they hadn’t spent the past two weeks taking care of Eva on their own without any trouble.

“When do you start work again?” She asks around the mug of tea Louis had made her.

“I’ve got a shoot booked in on Monday.” Louis informs her. He’s lying on the floor with Eva sitting on his stomach, and he’s breathing in and out at different speeds to make her wobble and giggle.

“I don’t have anything until the lads start training again.” Liam adds when his mother looks in his direction.

“Okay,” She says, sitting back on the couch more comfortable. “Have you thought about what happens when you both have to work full time?”

“No,” Liam answers honestly. He hadn’t really thought that far ahead, he was still in the take each day as it comes stage.

“You might want to organise yourselves a little better,” She tells them. “Maybe make a schedule chart so you can write down what days you’re busy. I know Zayn had a playgroup lined up for them to send her to, he was going to wait until she was two but you boys will need put her in sooner because unlike them, you can’t take a one year old to your jobs with you.”

Liam’s already got a headache and that’s only from talking about it. “Do you have the playgroup information?”

“In my bag,” She nods.

Liam puts his own tea down on the coffee table so he can go and get her bag from where she’d left it in the hallway.

“How are we supposed to leave her at a playgroup when she won’t let anyone hold her who isn’t us?” Louis asks as he walks out of the room.

“You’ll have to make it a gradual thing,” His mother explains as he walks back in the room. “The first few times you can go to the group with her, then maybe introduce one of the helpers and make her comfortable with them. Then, hopefully, eventually she’ll stay there without needing either of you.”

“What if that never happens?” Liam asks, handing her the bag as he sits back down on the couch.

“You’ll have to drive the half an hour to Watford every day, and leave her with Anne.”

“What if she won’t stay with Anne?” Louis asks, sitting up now and cuddling Eva to his chest.

“She will,” She promises. “Anne’s her grandmother, she knows who she is. She’s a little frightened right now, that’s all. The two people she’s used to seeing every day have disappeared, and she’s scared if she takes her eyes of you two that you might leave her to. Once she realises you’ll be coming back, she’ll stay wherever you take her.”

His mother reaches in to her bag and produces a pad and pen, and begins to tell them everything they need to know about raising a child. Liam didn’t know there were that many appointments needed for one tiny human being or that there were that many possible foods to be allergic to.

When she eventually leaves, he walks her out and accepts the fuss she gives him before closing and locking the door behind her. He goes back in to the living room and drops back on to the couch next to Louis, careful not to jostle Eva.

“A kid’s a lot of work,” Louis admits.

Liam nods. “A lot.”

“We can do this though, right?” Louis wonders.

Liam sighs and leans closer so he can indulge himself by sinking his fingers in to the back of Eva’s hair. “We have to try, if not for them, then for her.”

Louis makes a mumbled noise of agreement and Liam hopes that means he’s going to try, that they’re going to try, to make this work.

*

Liam’s freezing his bollocks off stood on the side of the rugby pitch. The season starts up again in a few weeks, and he’s got to make sure the lads are at top level fitness for when the games start. He’d start individual meetings with each of the lads next week but for today he’d come down to watch them train, to check on the few who had been injured in the last season and make sure they weren’t working the part of them that was hurt too hard.

When the session ends, all the lads run over to grab their water bottles and kit bags. Liam chats idly with some of them until the one he really wants runs up to him.

“Hello stranger,” George pants, taking a sip from his water bottle.

Liam smiles at him, his eyes involuntary scanning the other lad from top to bottom, he’s sweaty and muddy and it’s hell. Liam hadn’t had sex in weeks and all he can think of right now is the memories of this buff ruby player panting beneath him, begging for it. He has to pinch the inside his wrist to calm himself down before he pops a boner on the edge of a freezing cold ruby pitch.

“How’ve you been?” George asks, when they’re the only ones left on the pitch.

“Good, yeah.” Liam nods.

“You didn’t text me back, you know after you told me about…“ George gestures with his head to show what he means.

Liam knows he hadn’t, he hadn’t text or phoned anybody in weeks. The morning after Louis had told him—and after they’d got completely wasted—he shot George a text explaining the situation and then had abandoned his phone in his bed side draw. He couldn’t deal with the endless texts and phone calls, the _‘sorry for your loss’_ speeches from people who didn’t even really know Zayn.

“Sorry,” Liam says honestly. “I’ve been trying to deal with it, you know.”

George nods with a sympathetic smile. “How are things? He had a kid, right? How’s she doing?”

“She’s good,” Liam nods, a little shocked that George had remembered Eva.

They didn’t really talk that much when they got together and when they did, it was unimportant small talk about their day while they shed one another’s clothes. He can’t remember the time he’d mentioned Eva, but he knows he probably did, she’d been part of his everyday even before.

“I’m actually, uh, well me and this guy Louis, we’re taking care of her.” Liam explains, and then he waits, knowing not every guy wants to find out that the guy he’s shagging has just inherited a kid.

“Oh,” George says slowly, a small smile spreads across his lips. “And you haven’t killed each other yet?”

“You know about Louis?” Liam asks, he’s not someone Liam ever remembers mentioning.

“You talk a lot during sex, mate.” George teases. “Especially when you’re angry. Not that I’m complaining, when he got your riled up, it was probably some of the best sex we ever had.”

Liam’s cheeks heat up at that and he ducks his head. “Well,”

“Anyway I was thinking about you, well more us and I was wondering, you know what we’ve been doing has been great, it really has but maybe we could like, maybe we could try and do a little more than that,” George rambles.

“What?” Liam asks confused by the ramble.

“A date,” George explains. “That’s what I’m asking for, Liam.”

“Um,” Liam says dumbly.

“I know it’s not something we’ve done before and whatever this is has been, well, it’s been fun.” George continues with a smirk. “But I think it’d be nice to take the next step, what do you say?”

Before everything—before the accident and Eva—he would have said yes in a heartbeat but now he has one extra person to think about, two if you count the fact Louis feels the need to now be a part of everything in Liam’s life, not just the part he needs to be.

“Think about it?” George suggests when Liam hesitates to answer.

Liam nods with a grateful smile and George smiles back, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Liam’s cheek just like he had the last time they saw each other. The night Liam lost his best friend.

*

The house is quiet when he gets home that night and it’s also a mess, with Eva’s toys littering the floor of every room. Liam doesn’t know what Louis’ idea of taking care of a kid is but he’s going to have to inform him that it involves a little more work and lot less play.

He starts to tidy up the living room but gives up after three different toys start making noises at him. Instead he goes to the shelf that’s lined with photo albums, picks out the one he wants—the one containing all the photos from Eva’s first birthday—and goes in to the kitchen.

And that’s where Louis finds him in early hours of the morning, with tear stained cheeks and the photo album spread out on the counter in front of him. Louis doesn’t say a word as he sits down on the stool beside him, tugging the photo album closer to him so he can trace Harry’s face with his fingertip.

“I miss them,” Liam says through a sniffle.

Louis nods in agreement but still says nothing.

“I miss my best mate,” Liam admits. “And I know it’s selfish because Eva’s lost her dads but—“

Another set of tears well up in his eyes and he shakes his head unable to finish his sentence as he thinks of the poor little girl upstairs, who’s not going to remember the amazing person her baba was.

“I know,” Louis says finally. “We got years with them and what did she get, she got a bunch of pictures worth of memories she’s not even going to remember when she’s older. And yet sometimes, for a split second, I’ll think she got the better deal out of the three of us. To have them be a part of her life but not have to go through the pain of losing them.”

Liam leans closer to Louis so he can see more of the photos. “Do you think we’re letting them down?”

“No, of course we’re not.” Louis says firmly, moving his finger from Harry’s face and across the page to where a photo of the two of them and Eva is placed.

Liam follows Louis’ finger with his eyes, focusing in on Eva, she looks so happy to have them both kissing her cheeks.

“They used to make it look so easy,” Liam admits. “They were the perfect couple and they had the perfect house and the perfect kid.”

“And then there’s us,” Louis adds, finally looking at Liam with a small grin.

Liam notices the wetness around his eyes but doesn’t mention it. “We’re a little unconventional to say the least.”

“But they picked us,” Louis emphasizes. “Eva was their entire world and out everyone they knew, _they picked us_. That has to mean something, right?”

“Right,” Liam agrees, noticing the complete 180 Louis had done since he first found out they’d been left guardians of Eva.

“What are you doing down here anyway?” Louis asks, closing the photo album. “Sitting in the kitchen, in the dark, all on your own?”

“Something reminded me of him,” Liam shrugs. “I just wanted to see his face, you know. These are the last photos we have of them.”

“Come with me,” Louis says suddenly, standing up from the stool.

Liam gives him a confused look but Louis makes an impatient noise so he climbs from the stool and follows the other lad out of the room. Louis traipses his way upstairs and in to Harry and Zayn’s room, it’s completely filled with boxes—telling Liam that Louis finally got around to clearing it out—and he opens one, fiddling inside it until he retrieves what he wants.

“Is that Hazza’s phone?” Liam asks, noticing the picture on Zayn and Eva that’s printed on to the cover of the phone.

Louis nods, focusing on something that’s on the phone rather than looking at Liam.

“Can I, I mean would you mind, could I have the cover?” Liam asks hopefully.

Louis nods again, tugging the cover off and handing it to Liam. “That’s not why I wanted to show you it though.”

“Okay,” Liam says slowly, his eyes glued to the picture on the cover. Zayn’s lying on the floor with his head tilted back and his lips pouted while Eva—who can’t be more than five months—is crouched by his head with her fingers on his face, attempting to kiss his lips but looking more like she’s trying to eat his face.

“Here it is,” Louis says brightly, he tugs on Liam’s arm and leads him to the bed.

Liam sits down when he’s gestured to and takes the phone from Louis’ hands when it’s passed over. There’s a video on the screen and the screen grab is of a very upset looking Zayn. Louis clicks play for him and the shot changes from the picture of Zayn to Harry’s face as the clip begins to play.

_“Zayn’s pissed at me,” Harry tells the camera with his usual cheeky smile. He turns the phone around to show Zayn on the opposite end of the couch to him, looking like he’s concentrating hard on whatever they’re watching on TV._

_Liam knows that the video is after the party then because Zayn’s hair is short, and he’d got it cut the day after, much to Harry and Louis’ dismay._

_“Apparently I forgot to put the bins out this morning,” Harry says, turning the camera back on him. “And according to Zayn that’s a big deal.”_

_“You’re such a twat,” Zayn growls off camera._

_Harry turns the camera back on Zayn, who still refuses to look in its direction. “This is the kind of attitude I have to put up with on a daily basis.”_

_“If you don’t stop fucking filming me I’m going to shove that phone up your arse,” Zayn seethes, climbing from the couch, he picks up Eva a little fast from the floor and she makes a whining noise that Liam knows means she’s about to let hell lose._

_Sure enough she does, one hiccup followed by a scream but Zayn doesn’t react the way Liam does, he doesn’t look horrified and try to sooth her. Instead he continues his argument with Harry, only bouncing his hip slightly to get her to calm down._

_“Well done, dickhead.” Harry sighs, the camera moving as he stands up from the couch. “Now she’s never going to go down for her nap.”_

_“It’s not my fault she inherited your tendency for tantrums.” Zayn comes back, he’s fussing Eva now, who looks to be confused if she should be happy to her have her dad’s attention or if she should keep crying._

_She chooses to keep crying._

_“Says he whose been pouting for the past half an hour over the bloody bins not being put out,” Harry says loudly._

_“We’re going to have to wait another week, which means we’ll have twice the amount of rubbish and the stuff from this week will be left over and start to smell!” Zayn yells back, almost matching Eva’s screams but not quite, if anything she gets louder almost to prove she can overpower him._

_“Would you shut the fuck up about the god damn bins,” Harry snaps, the cameras goes all over the place and then ends up in complete darkness but their voices can still be heard. “I’m going to take her for a drive to try and calm her down. You go and start the tea,”_

_Eva’s screams get quieter and quieter until a door slam sounds and they stop completely. There’s silence for about ten seconds and then the camera moves and Zayn’s face shows._

_“Idiot,” He mutters with a small grin._

The video clicks off and they both stay silent for a moment until Liam lets out a small laugh.

“Guess they weren’t any better at this than we are,”

“Not the perfect everything you said they were,” Louis adds with his own small smile, taking the phone back from Liam’s hands.

Liam looks down the phone cover in his hand. “They still had the perfect life, they did everything they you were supposed to.”

“No one’s life is perfect, Payno.” Louis tells him firmly. “Just because they did it the way society thinks you’re supposed to, doesn’t mean they had everything figured out, and you don’t have to either.”

Liam closes his hand around the cover, looking to Louis with a small smile. “Right, yeah—you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Louis winks and stands up from the bed. “And I’m also knackered, your turn for the couch tonight, right?”

Liam nods, even though he knows it’s not—he slept on the couch last night—but he’s too tired to argue so he just stands up also, trying to clip Harry’s cover to the back of his phone as he follows Louis out of the room.

“There’s millions of videos on here, suppose our Haz was an aspiring youtuber or something.” Louis says as they walk across the landing, flipping the iPhone from hand to hand. “Do you think we could put them on your iPad? We can show Eva then, think she’d like that.”

“Sure, I’ll do it in the morning.” Liam promises, heading for the stairs. “Night, Tommo. And thanks.”

“S’what I’m here for,” Louis shrugs with a sheepish smile.

Liam smiles back at him, and they stand there for a good solid minute, smiling at each other before he realises what he’s doing. “Well, night.”

“Yeah, night.” Louis says and all but runs in to the spare bedroom.

Liam finds himself confused on what just happened as he makes his way back downstairs.

*

All of their families come over the night they sign the papers to legally take guardianship of Eva. The three mothers bring them enough food to keep them going for at least a year. Liam’s left in charge of putting all of it away, while everyone else chats in the living room. He’s trying to squeeze the last tupperware box in the fridge, when Lottie comes in to the kitchen with a distraught Eva in her arms.

He drops the box on the counter, rushing over to Lottie and checking for the damage that’s causing Eva to cry so hysterically. When he comes up blank, and notices how calm Lottie’s face is, he feels himself relax.

“Hey, baby girl.” Liam says, easing her out of Lottie’s grip. “What’s got you so upset, huh?”

“Lou left her with me for five minutes while he went to the loo,” Lottie explains, stroking Eva’s back gently. “She started crying the moment he left the room.”

Liam bounces Eva gently and hushes her. “You’re okay, I’m here. It’s okay.”

Eva hiccups and sniffles, resting her head down on Liam’s shoulder as she shoves her thumb in her mouth.

“She knows, doesn’t she?” Lottie observes. “She knows they’re gone and she’s scared she might lose you too.”

Liam nods, rocking Eva from side to side, to keep himself held together rather than keep her calm. Louis comes rushing in to the room then, the buttons on his trousers undone and distressed look on his face.

“What happened? Is she okay?” He asks, moving quickly to Liam’s side.

“She’s fine, she couldn’t see you that’s all.” Liam explains but presses himself close to Louis so the other lad can fuss over Eva the way he wants.

“Oh, my little darling.” Louis says softly, pressing gentle kisses to her cheek. “I’m sorry,”

Liam watches Eva’s face change from upset to placid when she notices both of them are surrounding her. “What are we gonna do?”

“About what?” Louis asks, not taking his eyes of Eva.

“The fact she screams bloody murder any time one of us isn’t either holding her, or in her line of sight.”

“She’s just gone through a trauma, Liam.” Louis states, finally pulling his eyes from Eva to look up at Liam. “Give her time to adjust, and if she’s still doing it in a few months, then we’ll see about getting some help.”

The way he says ‘help’ makes Liam wince because he knows they’re little girl isn’t ill, she just misses her daddies. But he also doesn’t think he can spend the next however many years not being able to leave a room because she doesn’t understand that he’ll be coming right back.

They’re schedules were working at the moment, meaning every day there was one of them home to take care of her. But once Liam’s sessions became regular again, he wasn’t going to be home every day and there’s no chance he could take her with him. She was going to have to be left with someone else eventually but that’s not going to happen if she never grows out of whatever this is.

“I thought you two said you hadn’t shagged?” Niall’s voice booms in to the room.

It’s only then that Liam notices how they must look, with Louis pressed against his side, both of them cooing over Eva. They probably look like a content little family. Louis must come to the same conclusion because he pulls away from Liam as fast he can, storming out of the room and not looking back.

Eva whimpers slightly but Liam rocks her gently and hushes her before she starts crying.

“Was it something I said?” Niall asks, smug smile on his lips.

Liam rolls his eyes, keeping a tight grip around Eva as he grabs the abandoned box of the counter, opening the fridge and shoving it in.

“The sexual tension was harder to ignore now you live under the same roof, wasn’t it?” Niall teases, jumping up to sit on the counter.

Liam grabs a sippy cup from the cupboard and focuses on filling it up with juice rather than answering his friend.

“So, you’ve shagged Louis.” Niall says, taking Liam’s silence as some kind of confirmation.

“No,” Liam finally answers irritated, giving Eva the sippy cup.

“Then what was that all about?” Niall asks with raised eyebrows.

Liam leans back against the counter and sighs. “I don’t know, things have been weird lately.”

“Weird enough for you to want in Tommo’s pants?” Niall asks, his face serious.

“No,” Liam says and then. “I don’t know, we’ve been getting along really well and—it’s weird.”

“You stopped wanting to punch him and now you don’t know what emotion to run with, is that it?”

“Kind of,” Liam nods, and looks down at Eva. She’s paying close attention to both of them as she sips at her cup.

“That’s not good, mate.” Niall says frowning.

“What?” Liam squawks. “You’ve been telling me to sleep with him for the past four years.”

“That was before,” Niall gestures to the little girl in Liam’s arms. “Now you guys are in charge of raising her for the next seventeen years, and probably after that too. Do you really think getting in to something with Louis is what’s best for her?”

Liam brushes Eva’s hair away from her face and sighs. “No,”

“Exactly,”

“I haven’t even said,” Liam groans. “I don’t want to sleep with him, I don’t. I just feel weird because he’s acting normal, that’s all. When he starts being a dick again I’ll go back to wanting to punch him.”

Truth is he doesn’t know if he’s lying or not and what’s even worse is he doesn’t know who he’s lying to, Niall or himself.

“Whatever it is you need to do, you have to do it soon.” Niall tells him softly. “Because she needs a stable home to grow up in and it’s not going to be that way if you and Louis have something between you that’s unresolved.”

“I don’t know if you’re talking about sleeping with him or punching him,” Liam laughs.

“Either,” Niall grins. “Whichever one you need to get out of your system first.”

Liam rests his head down on Eva’s and thinks before her, the decision between the two would have been obvious. Now he kind of wants to punch Louis and possibly kiss him at the same time. It’s only making whatever is happening, even more confusing.

*

It’s not until later when Eva is in bed and everyone else is left that they actually sign the papers. Gemma handing them sheet of paper after sheet of paper to write their name on. Liam’s hand actually aches by the time she tells them their done, he doesn’t know if it’s the day or the past couple of weeks but he suddenly feels completely exhausted.

“Okay, one last thing.” Gemma says, laughing when they both groan. “H had some money in the bank, quite a lot of money in fact, and it wasn’t part of their will.”

“I thought they pooled all their money?” Liam questions confused.

“Not this, apparently.” Gemma shrugs. “I don’t know if Zayn didn’t know about it or if they had their reasons for it only being under Harry’s name. But it’s a substantial amount, and without it being in the will, it’s not assigned to anyone. Therefore it will go to the next of kin, I.E. Eva.”

“Okay,” Louis agrees easily.

“You know what it is, don’t you?” Liam asks him.

“Yeah, it’s his savings to take Zayn to Pakistan.” Louis informs him. “He’d been saving since they’d first started going out but things kept coming up, and they never got to go.”

“To Pakistan?”

“Yeah, apparently he always wanted to go.” Louis says, looking at Liam a little confused as to why he doesn’t know. “I don’t know why, his family were assholes, right? Don’t know why he’d want to go back to where they came from.”

“His grandfather,” Liam says, piecing it together. “He died when Zayn was young but Zayn worshiped the ground he walked on.”

“He was from Pakistan?”

Liam nods. “He grew up in a tiny village in the north of Pakistan. I always remember this story that he’d told Zayn that Zayn became obsessed with.”

Louis gives him a look as if to say _‘tell it then’_.

“It was about when he was a boy and he found this statue on a mountain an hours walk away from his village. It was a big deal for some reason, I guess that’s why Zayn wanted to go, to try and find it.”

“Why was it a big deal?” Louis asks.

Liam frowns, the memory of Zayn explaining his grandfather’s story blurred. “It was a statue of a woman and a man, and they were kissing or hugging. They were doing something that the country—or the religion—didn’t approve of.”

“That’s why Zayn was so obsessed with it then?”

“I think so,” Liam nods. “I think he wanted to prove to himself that he wasn’t the only one who thought the religion had problems, and that you could still be a part of it, even if you didn’t believe certain aspects.”

“That’s what we need to teach Eva,” Louis says with a small smile.

Liam offers him one back and then looks to Gemma. “If the money goes to Eva, will it be frozen until she’s eighteen?”

“Unless you as her guardians can prove that what you want to use the money for was Harry’s wish,” Gemma explains.

Liam looks to Louis with a frown. “How do we prove that?”

“He only mentioned it to me,” Louis shrugs, looking sympathetic.

“Okay,” Liam says slowly and look back to Gemma, feeling like a pin ball between them. “The money stays in the bank until Eva is old enough to claim it.”

Gemma nods and collects her things. “You’re both doing a really good job. I thought I should tell you, you know, in case you thought you weren’t.”

“Of course we are,” Louis grins. “Raising a child is easy.”

Gemma gives him a look that shows how many years she knows him and when she’s satisfied the grin is wiped from Louis’ face, she looks to Liam. “If you ever need a night off, give us a ring. She’ll probably be more likely to stay with me than anyone else.”

“Thanks,” Liam says honestly. “We’ll think about it.”

Gemma squeezes his arm and slips her bag on her arm. “I’ll let myself out.”

Liam watches her leave the room and listens for the front door before he lets himself slip back in to the comfort of the couch with a sigh. Louis falls back on to the couch next to him, their bodies touch from their shoulders down to their feet.

“Congratulations.” Louis says in a game host voice. “You’ve just gained yourself one little human. She poops, she cries and she’s going to bleed your bank account dry for many years to come.”

Liam laughs, dropping his gaze down to where their hands are touching. “We’re officially in charge of messing up her life.”

“How exciting for her,” Louis jokes, moving his hand so he can start tracing patterns on Liam’s palm instead.

Liam follows Louis’ finger with his eyes as he moves from Liam’s hand and up his arm until he reaches the sleeve of his t-shirt and stops, pulling his hand away. Liam pulls his eyes away too, only to look up and catch Louis’ eyes. He doesn’t know what possesses him to do it but Niall’s words— _‘Whichever one you need to get out of your system first’_ —are repeating is head as he leans in.

They get close enough that Liam can feel Louis’ breath brush across his lips and then Eva’s screams start from upstairs, causing them to jump apart.

“She’s, uh,” Louis stumbles as he climbs from the couch, gesturing around nervously. “I’ll get her.”

Liam nods and Louis does a weird spin thing before finding the door and walking through it.

“Idiot,” Liam mutters to himself, hitting his head on the back of the couch.

*

“You kissed Louis?!” Niall yells in the middle of the supermarket the next day.

Liam looks apologetically at the people around them and hits his friend’s arm. “Almost, I said almost.”

“When I said you needed to get it out of your system I didn’t mean get to it Liam, Jesus.” Niall scolds.

Eva’s looking between them in confusion so Liam grabs her bunny from inside the baby bag he’d thrown across Niall and hands it to her before she starts fussing.

“It wasn’t exactly something I planned,” Liam states as they take the corner in to the canned food aisle.

“But it wouldn’t have been something you stopped either,” Niall replies with his eyebrows raised knowingly. “Would it?”

“I would have stopped it.” Liam promises as he pawns off the trolley to Niall so he can get a four pack of canned beans.

Niall nudges the basket in to his legs as he puts the cans inside. “Seriously? If Louis had straddled you on the couch last night and proclaimed that he wanted you to fuck him until his legs were jelly. You could have walked away?”

“First of all, Louis would never say something like that, he thinks I’m boring at sex, remember?” Liam reminds him, taking back control of the trolley. “And secondly, watch your language in front of my baby.”

He doesn’t realise what he’s said until Niall looks at him a little shocked.

“Oh shit,”

“It’s okay,” Niall soothes him. “It’s okay, I know what you meant.”

Liam shakes his head because he’s not even sure himself what he meant.

“It’s alright, Li.” Niall promises, nudging his hip against Liam’s so he can get control of the trolley again. “You need some Bolognese sauce, we were going to get her to try spaghetti, yeah?”

Niall smiles at him, nudging him again and he finally manages to gain control of himself, moving down the aisle to grab the sauce.

“I think you need a good S-H-A-G-G-G-I-N-G.” Niall says when he returns to put the sauce in the basket.

“That was too many G’s, mate.” Liam laughs, bopping Eva on the nose when she looks in his direction. She giggles and it grounds him. “Maybe.”

“I know a few lads that—“Niall starts but Liam’s grimace cuts him off. “Alright, I won’t set you up. But you have to find someone who isn’t Louis.”

“I think I know someone,” Liam tells him with a small grin.

“Is it that ruby player?” Niall asks excitedly. “The twenty one year old with the gorgeous thighs. Have you not had your fill of him yet, Payno?”

He giggles at his own joke and Liam ignores him, taking the trolley and Eva and moving on to the freezer section of the store.

*

Liam doesn’t know how to bring the subject up to Louis so instead he tries to drops hints. Except Louis is completely oblivious to them all so the night before Liam’s date with George, he has to make it extra obvious. It takes him practically giggling at his phone, to catch Louis’ curiosity while he’s feeding Eva.

“Who you texting?” Louis asks, biting at Eva’s hand when she tries to feed him some of her grapes.

Liam doesn’t look up from his phone. “George, he’s asked me if I’d like to go out for dinner tomorrow night.”

“Sounds nice,” Louis remarks plainly.

“You don’t care?” Liam asks, hating that little part of him that hopes Louis would.

“I thought your sex life was of no interest to me?” Louis replies with raised eyebrows.

Liam frowns. “It’s not.”

“Then there we go.” Louis states. “Now ask me nicely if I’ll watch Eva so you can go on your date.”

“You do realise you’re half responsible for her so you’d have to take care of her anyway,” Liam informs him and sighs when Louis makes a face like he’s waiting. “Would you mind watching Eva so I can go on a date with George, please?”

“Of course,” Louis replies. “You do realise though, that she’s half my responsibility so I’d have to take care of her anyway.”

“I just said that,” Liam complains.

“Did you?” Louis asks with a fake confused expression. “I didn’t heart that, must have said it in your whiny voice. I zone out when you talk like that.”

“I don’t have a whiny voice,” Liam protests.

Louis makes a face like he’s zoning out and Liam whacks him on the arm.

“You’re such a dick,”

Louis winks at him and Eva starts crying. Both he and Liam turn towards her and she instantly stops, the moment she has both of their attention.

“You are so your father’s daughter,” Louis says fondly.

Liam brushes his fingers through the front of her hair and smiles. “Look like him and act like him, soon we’re gonna have a mini Harry running around the place.”

“Oh god, I hope not.” Louis says and visibly shivers. “Harry in adult form was fine, him in baby form, ew, no. I don’t want to have to deal with that.”

Eva yells loudly, not happy with their attention being away from her once again.

Liam laughs and nudges his elbow in to Louis’ side. “Think you better prepare yourself, Tommo. She’s exactly like him and she can’t even talk yet.”

Louis groans but Liam can see the hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

*

Niall comes over the next day, he claims it’s because it’s the first Saturday he's had off in years but Liam knows he’s come to cause havoc before his date. Louis had brought Eva a new bouncer that he’d demanded Liam put together, claiming that Liam’s biceps needed a work out. Liam can’t tell the difference between when Louis’ teasing and when he’s actually being nice, so he decides to take everything that’s said with a pinch of salt and not let it affect him.

By the time the bouncer is put together and ready, the three of them are more amused by it than Eva. They make an obstacle course for her and bet if she’ll make it to the finish line or not.

Liam doesn’t think he’s laughed this much in weeks. His sides are actually hurting by the time he drops on to the couch at almost midday. Louis sits on the arm of the same couch with tears in his eyes, while Niall collapses on the floor, yet to calm down.

Eva is giving them a look of disappointment and that only starts Liam off again, who starts Louis off again and Niall laughs harder. They’re like three giggling teenagers, each time one calms down, another one will start them off again. Eva’s managed to move her bouncer out of the barricade of cushions and over to where Liam and Louis are by the couch. She makes a high pitched whining noise that causes all three of them go quiet and look to her.

“’Mo.” Eva says staring straight at Louis.

“What was that, sweetie?” Niall asks her gently. He’s been extra cautious with her ever since that day at the park, almost scared that even talking to her might set her off.  

“‘Mo.” Eva says again, making grabby hands in Louis’ direction.

“I think she means you, Tommo.” Niall points out.

“No, I’m Uncle Lou.” Louis says but moves towards her anyway. “Can you say Lou?”

Eva squeezes his cheeks between her hands and giggles when he makes a pouty face. “’Mo.”

“I don’t think you’re gonna change her mind,” Liam teases.

Louis turns his face to glare at him, which his hilarious, considering his cheeks are still trapped between Eva’s hands. “At least she knows my name.”

“Eva, Eves,” Liam calls, waiting to catch her attention before he points to himself. “Who am I?”

“Lee,” She complies, reaching out for him.

“That’s not your name though, is it?” Louis says with a cocked brow and pursed lips.

“Uncle Li,” Liam says, collecting Eva from the bouncer. “That’s me, isn’t it beautiful girl?”

“Lee, Lee,” Eva repeats delighted when he smiles at her.

Liam carries out of the living room in to the kitchen, he settles her in her high chair and starts to make her some dinner when Louis comes stomping in to the room.

“What time is your date?”

Liam grabs a banana from the bowl and a knife from the draw. “Seven, I think.”

“You think or you know?” Louis demands.

Liam frowns at him in confusion, throwing the peal of the banana in the bin. “He said he’ll pick me up at seven. Why?”

“I just want to know if you’ll be here to put Eva down,” Louis says irritated like Liam’s the one being difficult.

“We usually put her down at eight,” Liam reminds him, chopping up the banana “Unless you want to put her down early so I can be here but that means she’ll wake up earlier.”

“No, it’s fine.” Louis spits and storms out of the kitchen, brushing past Niall who’s wandering in.

“What was that about?” Niall asks.

“I honestly have no idea.” Liam says while shaking his head. He finishes chopping up the banana and puts them in a bowl in front of Eva, who happily picks at them herself. “He asked me about my date, said something about Eva’s bed time and then stormed out when I said I would be gone before it.”

“Sounds jealous to me.” Niall observes, stealing one Eva’s banana pieces.

“No,” She yells at him.

Niall pokes his tongue out at her because he’s an actual child in a grown man’s body. Liam starts on the dishes in the sink, knowing Louis won’t do them when he’s out tonight and will only add to them when he makes Eva food.

“If he cared, he would have said something when I told him about the date.” Liam states.

“Really?” Niall asks him like he’s dumb. “This is Tommo we’re talking about, he’d never outright admit his jealousy. Especially when—like you—he probably has no idea what exactly his feelings are towards you.”

Liam sighs. “This is gonna make things complicated.”

“I did say,” Niall announces proudly.

“Didn’t offer any advice though, did you?” Liam snaps at him without heat. “Useless lump, told me that I should shag him and then got mad at me for almost—“

“I thought you said it was just a kiss?” Niall exclaims. “And an almost one at that.”

“It was,” Liam reassures him and sighs. “It was but…”

“But you wanted it to be more?” Niall wonders.

“I don’t know,” Liam groans. “He’s confusing the fuck out of me.”

“Language!” Niall scolds.

Liam leans back against the counter and runs his fingers through the front of his quiff. “Maybe you’re right, maybe all I need is a good shag.”

“That’s my boy!” Niall agrees. “Have some fun with that lad and I guarantee when you come home, this thing with Tommo won’t even be a thing anymore.”

Liam nods, hoping for everyone’s sake that Niall’s right.

*

That night Liam’s running slightly late for his date because he’d spent ten minutes listening to Louis and Eva sing nonsense while they had a bath, rather than actually getting ready like he was supposed to be. Gladly George is running a little late too so he’d managed to throw on some skinny jeans and a plane black top and still have time to fuss over his hair while waits to be picked up.

“You look decent,” Louis says, leaning in the doorway when Liam looks over at him. His hair’s still damp, his fringe sweeping down across his forehead and he’s dressed jogging bottoms and a t-shirt Liam swears is his. He looks young, far younger than his twenty six years, almost as young as the day Liam met him five years ago.

“Thanks,” Liam says. “I think.”

Louis shrugs, fidgeting where he stands as a silence falls over them. Liam turns back to the mirror, trying to sort this one piece of his hair that won’t stay gelled down.

“What are you gonna do when the season starts up again?” Louis ask after a minute of watching Liam.

“I’ve told them I can’t go on tour, they’ve got someone else.” Liam explains offhand.

“What does that mean?”

Liam gives up on his hair, knowing it’s not going to go the way he likes it and decides to get his shoes from the wardrobe instead.

“It means,” He grunts, as he bends down to pull on a boot. “When the new season starts up again I won’t be working for them anymore.”

“Liam,” Louis says, he sounds upset.

“Don’t get angry at me, alright. I’ve done this for Eva, she won’t understand if I go away for weeks at a time.” Liam informs him, tugging on his other boot. “My old practice agreed to take me back so we’ll still have two incomes, don’t worry.”

“I’m not angry,” Louis says quietly. “This is your dream job, you can’t give it up.”

“It was my dream before,” He makes a hand gesture for the _‘all of this’_.

“Your dreams still matter,” Louis says firmly. “You told me my life wouldn’t change but that doesn’t mean you change yours to make sure that stays true.”

Liam grabs his leather jacket off the bed and slips it on. “Its fine, Louis. Drop it, okay?”

Louis looks ready to do quite the opposite but the doorbell goes and Liam takes that as his out, brushing past the other lad to get downstairs. Liam rushes down the stairs and pulls open the door, his breath catching a little at the gorgeous guy that stands behind it.

“Hi,” He says with a nervous smile.

George smirks back while giving Liam the once over. “Well hello to you too.”

“Hello George,” Louis says loudly, dragging out George’s name in a childish manner.

Liam turns to find Louis on the stairs with Eva balanced on his hip, fiddling with her bunny while dressed in a bear onesie. She looks so cute Liam _almost_ doesn’t want to go on his date.

“You must be Louis,” George says, stepping inside to offer his hand to Louis. “Nice to finally meet you, man.”

Louis walks down the last couple of stairs and balances Eva in one arm so he can shake George’s hand. “You too, I’ve heard lots of things.”

“All good I hope,” George replies, glancing at Liam with a cheeky grin.

Liam feels his face blush and curses whatever God made it so he gets embarrassed easily. “Of course, shall we go?”

“Wait,” Louis says loudly as George goes to step away from him. “Why are you in such a rush, Payno? Let me have a conversation with the lad at least.”

“We’ll miss our reservations,” Liam says.

“I made them for half seven, we have time.” George tells him with an easy smile.

“Good,” Louis grins, it’s the dirty one and Liam already knows he’s not going to like where this goes.

“You see me and Eva here, we have to make sure your intensions with our Liam are pure,” Louis says, jostling Eva who looks up at him. Louis nods in George’s direction and she follows his gaze, pulling the scolding face she gives Liam when he does something she doesn’t like.  

Liam doesn’t know where Louis had the time to teach her that but he can’t help but snort when he sees it. To his relief George finds it funny too.

“They are,” George agrees. “I promise I’ll expect nothing more than a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night.”

“A kiss on the cheek,” Louis ponders, looking down at his goddaughter. “What do you think?”

“No,” Eva says as she does anytime something is said to her that sounds like a question.

“The woman of the house has spoken,” Louis says smugly as Liam plots his death. “I’m sorry, mate. We’d also like him home by ten if you could, we’ve got a nappy change sometime early hours of the morning and we don’t want him to be tired for it.”

George laughs and Liam feels relieved, glad he isn’t falling for Louis’ stupid act.

“Well there we are,” Liam states, tugging the door back open. “Shall we go?”

George nods and Liam allows him to lead the way out of the house, he shakes his head at Louis—who looks smug as ever—angrily as he closes the door behind him.

*

The date goes great. George takes him to a really nice Italian restaurant in the middle of London and is a complete gentleman and they’re having a lovely time, until their desserts come and Liam’s phone starts ringing in his pocket. He thinks about ignoring whoever it is, the boy sitting opposite the only important thing in his eyes in that moment. Only when he pulls the phone out of his pocket, it comes out backwards and the moment he spots the photo of Zayn and Eva, he’s reminded he’s responsible for someone else now, not just himself.

“Excuse me for a second,” He apologises to George, swiping left on his phone to answer the call.

“Payno? Oh god, Payno. She stopped breathing and I didn’t know what to do,” Louis starts rambling. “I mean, I’ve seen it happen, we both have. But Haz and Z were always there, they always knew the proper way to deal with it. I didn’t know what to do, one minute she was dropping off to sleep in my arms while I was reading to her and the next minute she wasn’t breathing.”

“Tommo, Louis, Lou.” Liam calls, hoping one of the names will stop Louis’ ramble.

“We’re at St. Anne’s.” Louis informs him, breathing uneasy. “Come, please?”

“I’m on my way,” Liam promises, without discussing it with George. “She’ll be okay, Tommo. She’s a tough girl, spit of her daddy, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis says distracted and then a little more pleading. “Hurry up?”

“I’ll be as fast as I can.” Liam tells him and hangs up the phone, looking to George.

“What happened? Is she okay?” George asks, sounding honestly concerned.

“She’s got central sleep apnoea,” Liam explains. “It means she stops breathing when she falls asleep sometimes, she’s treated for it but it’s the first time she’s done it since we’ve been taking care of her and Louis’ had a bit of an overreaction to it.”

“Do you want to go?”

Liam nods, reaching for his jacket. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not, let me get the bill and I’ll drive you.” George tells him and disappears with his wallet to find the waiter. Liam curses his past self for not realising how sweet this guy was.

*

Louis looks completely relieved when they walk inside the waiting room in the children wing of St. Anne’s hospital. He’s got Eva on his lap, she’s awake but looks knackered, her poor little face red from where she’s clearly been crying. Liam dreads to think how distraught she must have been, not only to have people poking and prodding at her but to see Louis so freaked out too.

“Hey,” Liam says softly, bending down to be the same height as the both of them.

“I don’t want to let her go,” Louis admits, looking at him with watery blue eyes. “Will you drive home?”

“Of course,” He agrees easily and presses a kiss to Eva’s head before standing up.

George is stood to the side, rocking back and forth on his feet with his hand buried in his pockets. Liam goes over to him, an apologetic look on his face.

“Not exactly how I wanted the night to end,” He admits.

George smiles at him, completely unbothered. “I mean, me neither but there will be other nights.”

“I have a two o’clock tomorrow that cancelled,” Liam tells him, the same as he did before when the only thing they wanted from each other was easy sex.

“Coffee?” George suggests.

Liam smiles and nods, accepting the kiss on the cheek that George gives him. He watches the younger lad leave and then goes back over to Louis and Eva.

“Come on troublemakers,” He says, nodding towards the exit with his head.

Louis stands up cautiously, his arms wrapped tightly around Eva. He presses himself to Liam’s side as they walk out of the hospital. They argue over putting her in her car seat—Louis not wanting to let her go to do so—but it takes one mention of Harry and Zayn, and Louis backs down instantly, though that doesn’t stop him sitting in the back with her, his entire body turned towards her seat.

It’s not a long drive back to the house but Liam feels exhausted by the time he pulls in to the driveway, he knows sleep was going to be an easy concept after the nights events.

“You can sleep in the guest room with her, if you want.” He offers Louis as they walk inside the house. “I don’t mind having the couch.”

Louis goes to head for the stairs but turns last minute, his face buried in Eva’s hair as he looks at Liam. He doesn’t ask, more gestures towards the stairs with his head until Liam gets the hint. Liam blames his exhaustion for his lack of thought and how fast he says _‘yes’_ to Louis’ nonverbal question.

The weird thing is how weird it isn’t, to settle the three of them in a bed together. Eva’s in the middle, her tiny body squished between them, their hands overlapping on her waist. She’s fast asleep now, her little breathes like a lullaby that could lead Liam towards his own dreamland.

Except the third occupant of the bed looks like that the last thing he plans to sleep and his nervous aura is keeping Liam from the sleep he so badly needs.

“She’s fine,” Liam promises. “You have to sleep, Tommo. You've got work in the morning.”

“What if it happens and we both sleep through it?” Louis worries, wiggling his fingers under Liam’s hand so his rests more on her chest than her waist.

“We won’t,” Liam assured him. “You’ll know if it happens.”

“How can you be so sure?” Louis asks.

“Because she’s ours and if she’s hurt, we’ll know.” Liam explains. “That’s how it works when you love someone.”

“She’s ours?” Louis questions but it’s not hurt—like Liam had said something wrong—it sounds more curious.

“Yeah, she’s ours.” Liam says softly. “Now, will you please sleep?”

Louis clucks his tongue, back to his usual self. “I suppose so.”

They share a small smile, neither of them commenting when their ankles lock together. And when they wake up in the morning, and Liam’s arm is curled around Louis while Eva sleeps nestled between them, well, neither of them comment on that either.

*

The end of October brings longer nights, illness and Halloween. Eva’s recovering from a particularly gruelling cold by the time the 31st rolls around, and Louis hadn’t left the house in over a week, to stay at home and take care of her. That morning—when they wake up to not a sniffle in sight—Liam sends him out to get pumpkins, to give the poor lad a chance to reunite with the outside world.

He makes them a full English while Louis’ gone, which is as a task in itself as—due to illness—the attachment to them that Eva had has only doubled. But he’s manages to make two plates full—and a smaller bowl of cut off sausages for Eva—without any injury, by the time Louis comes back.

“I don’t want to take her out, it’s bitter outside.” Louis says as he dumps the pumpkins on the kitchen counter.

Liam frowns, looking down to the little girl in his arms, who’s contently sucking on a bottle with her head resting against his shoulder.

“Can we stay in watch movies instead?” Louis pleads, as he sits down on one of the bar stools.

“We could take her along this street,” Liam suggests, not wanting Eva to miss out on the first Halloween where she might have a clue to what’s going on. “That way if she even sneezes we can come back here.”

Louis worries his lower lip between his teeth, looking unsure but his phone starts ringing in his jacket pocket before he has chance to reply.

“Hi, hello.” Louis answers slightly distracted, his face changing to a frown when the person on the other end answers. “No, I told you, it’s not happening. Mate, I told you like last month that I can’t do it this year.”

The other person must say something Louis doesn’t like because his face goes from a small frown to extremely irritated in a second flat.

“Because I have Eva, that’s why.” Louis snaps, picking at the breakfast Liam had placed in front of him. “No, we can’t just put her to bed.”

Liam sits down on one of the other bar stools, not even attempting to put Eva in her high chair. He watches Louis carefully as he feeds her some sausage, taking guesses to what the conversation could be about. Louis has thrown a huge Halloween party every year since Liam’s known him—Liam had been to almost every one, except for last year when he’d been on baby duty with Zayn and they’d stayed home and watched horror films all night—and the person on the other end of the phone obviously thinks that this year should be no different.

“Look, mate, it’s not gonna happen. So, you’ll have to make other plans, yeah?” Louis tells the person. “No I don’t want an invite—I just told you I have Eva—I’m hanging up now.”

He takes the phone from his ear, ends the call and practically throws the device on the counter.

“You could still have it, I can take her to Ni’s for the night.” Liam offers, his eyes on Eva as he feeds her another piece of sausage.

“So, we’ll take her to the houses on this street and then come back and watch movies?” Louis questions, ignoring Liam’s offer.

Liam nods, passing Eva over when Louis makes grabby hands and neither of them mention the party after that.

*

Eva is a cat for Halloween—because their original idea of her being ironman didn’t work because the costume was too big—or a type of cat. Louis had made the costume, by dressing her in all black and pulling apart one of the black fluffy couch cushions and a wire hanger to make ears and a tail. Liam’s contribution to the costume was using the eyeliner he’d found in one of Zayn’s draws, to draw on whiskers and a nose.

“I think she looks cute,” Louis states holding Eva in front of them in his arms. She’s wiggling in his grip, her feet kicking out and an adorable little grin—that matches her father’s—on her lips.

“The cutest little kitten,” Liam agrees, tickling her waist. “Are we ready to go?”

“One last thing,” Louis says, passing Liam Eva. He disappears out of the living room and Liam pulls funny faces at Eva, making her giggle until he comes back.

“No,” He says the moment he notices the outfit in Louis’ hands.

“Come on, Payno.” Louis smirks. “Time to relive the good old days.”

“I was an idiot in the good old days,” Liam admits. “I also didn’t have a one year old hanging off my hip. Where the hell did you find that anyway?”

“In one of the boxes in the garage,” Louis shrugs, and Liam hadn’t even known they’d ventured that far in their clearing out yet. “Come on, I’ve got a costume too.”

Liam dreads to think what as he remembers Louis’ choice of costume over the years. Louis takes Eva from his arms in exchange for the costume and shoos him out of the room. Liam huffs his entire way upstairs, dreading to think what he’s going to look like now, considering he was twenty and going to the gym every day the last time he wore the costume.

“Jesus,” Louis says in a shallow breathe when he returns to the living room.

“I told you it was a dumb idea,” Liam complains, looking down at himself in the ridiculous fireman costume. The straps are certainly tighter on his shoulders now, with them being more broad and he’s surprised he still fits in the trousers, but they had been baggier the first time round. Harry had told him it was sexier for them to be looser, something about easier access that Liam had blushed anout the entire night.

“This was not a dumb idea,” Louis says and there’s a possible chance he’s staring. “Christ, Payno. Who let you grow up?”

Liam rubs at the back of his neck, refusing to looks in Louis’ direction. “Will you go and get changed so we can go?”

“Sure,” Louis agrees easily, handing him Eva as he passes out of the room.

“What parents dress up to take their kid trick or treating?” Liam complains to Eva, who is too distracted by the shiny buckle on his braces to pay him any mind. “And I’m going to freeze, he said himself it was cold and he expects me to go from house to house dressed like this, it’s an embarrassment. None of the neighbours are going to want to speak to us ever again.”

“Would you stop complaining,” Louis says when he returns to the room, he’s dressed like peter pan, green tights an all. Liam must admit, he could have chosen a worse outfit to pick out of the one he’s worn over the years. “You can put on a coat, and it’ll do some of the mum’s around here some good, seeing a fit bloke like you walking around.”

Liam’s leather jacket doesn’t do much to cover him up, especially considering Louis won’t allow him to do it up because it _‘ruins the outfit as it is’_. He’s practically shivering but doesn’t care because Eva is having the time of her life, the plastic bag Louis had given her for sweets clutched tightly in her hand that she happily hands over to whoever answers the door. She’s almost got the word trick down too so by the time they’ve got to the seventh house, she’s caught on to what to do and is attempting to mimic what Liam and Louis say when someone answers the door.

They make it down one side of the street and half way up the other before Louis wants to call It a night. Liam doesn’t get a chance to inform him of the few houses left because he’s already walked away and back towards their own house. Liam looks to Eva for help but she’s more interested in her bag filled with sweets than she is her uncle.

Begrudgingly he follows Louis back to the house, removing his and Eva’s coats at the door and then heading in to the kitchen where the other lad is.

“We still had a four houses left,” He tells Louis, settling Eva in her high chair. “She wasn’t cold, she would have been fine doing them.”

“We did most of the street and I wanted to do the pumpkins before she got too tired.” Louis comes back, grabbing the pumpkins from the counter and putting them on the island instead.

Liam grabs some carving knives and spoons from the draw, along with some bowls to put the seeds in. “I’m pretty sure we were supposed to carve the pumpkins before we went out.”

“Does it matter?” Louis snaps, snatching a knife from Liam’s hand to carve the top off one.

“No,” Liam says slowly. “I guess not.”

“Then stop going on about it, Jeez.” Louis huffs, stabbing the pumpkin with a knife.

Liam hands Eva a spoon when reaches out for one, letting her play with it because there’s really not much other way they can involve a one year old in pumpkin carving.

“You know, it was supposed to be a nice thing for us to do together,” Louis grunts as he tugs the top of the pumpkin off. “You weren’t supposed to spend the entire time flirting with every woman that answered the door.”

“You’re really upset about a little harmless flirting?” Liam asks, carving a lid off his own pumpkin easily.

“I don’t think it was very decent, is all.” Louis tells him, scooping out the inside of his pumpkin in to the nearby bowl. “Especially not in front of Eva.”

“Are you serious?” Liam cries. “Christ, Tommo. You’re the one who made me wear this god forsaken costume.”

“I didn’t know—“Louis shakes his head with an irritated expression. “I mean how am I supposed to feel?”

Liam looks at him confused.

“George, I meant George.” Louis says flustered. “How do you think he’ll feel knowing all these women are flirting with you?”

“Well considering I like dick, he shouldn’t really be that worried if women flirt with me.” Liam replies, gesturing with his spoon and accidently flicking some pumpkin in Louis’ direction.

Louis lets out a dramatic gasp. “You did that on purpose!”

“I didn’t,” Liam tells him honestly.

“You did!” Louis cries, piling some pumpkin on his spoon and flicking it back at Liam.

Liam looks down at his shoulder where it lands and then back at Louis. The other lad is smirking triumphantly and Liam narrows his eyes, grabbing a handful of seeds from the bowl and throwing them at Louis. Louis mouth gapes for a moment and then he laughs, and they’re both throwing food, like kids in a cafeteria. Eva’s giggling from her high chair, clapping her hands and hitting her spoon on the table, trying to get involved.

“Truce, truce.” Liam calls breathless, after the kitchen is covered.

Louis pauses mid throw, his hand raised in the air, pumpkin mess falling through the gaps in his fingers. “One last one?”

“Okay,” Liam says, pandering to his childish need.

Louis walks towards Liam and presses the mess to the centre of Liam’s bare chest and then moves his hand around to spread it all over the bare skin of Liam’s front.

“Are you done?” Liam asks after Louis’ hand rests on his stomach for longer than it really should.

Louis clears his throat and steps backwards. “We should probably go and shower. I mean not together, like separate, we should take separate showers.”  

He walks out of the room before Liam can reply and Liam sighs, looking to Eva, who’s now biting on her spoon in attempt to soothe her teething.

“Do you know what I’m supposed to do?”

Eva looks at him, dribble falling from her lips and down the end of the spoon.

“Your Uncle Tommo’s a difficult man to live with, Eves.” Liam informs her, grabbing a towel to wipe the pumpkin mess off his chest.

Once he’s managed to clean himself up as best he can, he gets to work on the kitchen and then finally he grabs Eva and heads upstairs. Louis isn’t in the guest bedroom, or Eva’s room so Liam gets them both showered and once they’re done and both dressed, he goes on search of Louis. He thinks of starting downstairs, until he hears humming coming from the main bedroom.

“Hey,” He says, leaning in the doorway.

Louis turns from where he was looking out the window and smiles a little. “I guess today really tired her out, huh?”

“Yeah,” Liam say softly, not to disturb the little girl falling asleep in his arms.

“I was thinking,” Louis says after a moment. “If we’re going to live here, there’s no use keeping this room if neither of us have it...”

“I don’t want it,” Liam tells him, knowing he would never get any sleep if this was his room.

“I thought you might say that,” Louis says knowingly. “So I was thinking, we could convert this room in to Eva’s room and then you could make her room yours. There’s not that much different in size and its better than sleeping on the couch.”

Liam feels Eva dribble against his collar bone and looks around the room that once belonged to two people who truly loved her, and thinks, if they’re going to live here, then giving her this room was the best thing they could do.

“Okay,” He agrees softly, and Louis woops.

He starts rambling about cots that convert in to beds, and paintings they have of Zayn’s hidden in the garage that they could cover the walls with. Liam sits down—careful not to wake Eva—by the wall closest to the door and listens with a smile as Louis wanders around the room, telling him about all the ideas he has.

*

Liam’s gladly finishing with a client when Louis comes storming in to his office, a very upset Eva balanced on his hip. He doesn’t seem bothered that this is Liam’s work place as he immediately starts ranting, pacing in the middle of the office.

“Sorry,” Liam apologises to the client—a fifty one year old retired cricket player, who comes in for physio on shoulder twice a week –as he leads him out. “I’ll see you on Friday.”

He takes the smile the client offers him as confirmation that Louis’ outburst had not affected him and shuts the door once he’s left.

“Louis, you can’t come storming in here like that!” He yells and Louis stops pacing immediately. “I’ve got a professional standard to maintain, for Christ sake. It’s a good thing Mr Stephenson is a laid back guy, some of my other clients would have not accepted this kind of behaviour.”

His chest is heaving by the time he’s finished and Eva has stopped crying, instead she’s staring at him, looking completely terrified

“Oh, baby girl.” He says softly, stepping towards her and Louis but she cowers away from him and in to Louis’ arms.

“She broke my camera,” Louis informs him in a dry tone. “I had to take her to set today because they called me last minute and she wouldn't stay with Niall in the house, she cried every time I tried to leave, so I had to take her and him to the set with me, but Niall must have got distracted by something because next thing I know she’s in the middle of set almost electrocuting herself. And then when I tried to rush to grab her I tripped over my bloody tripod and my camera fell to the floor, it’s completely fucked.”

Liam’s cautious when he steps closer, scared of upsetting Eva. “It’s alright, you’ve got loads of cameras. It’s not the end of the world, is it?”

“It was my favourite one,” Louis informs him, his voice cracking on the next part. “Hazza got it for me.”

“Oh,” Liam says in one breath and there it is, that ache in his chest that slowly builds anytime he’s forced to be reminded of the two people they lost.

“I know it’s not her fault, I know but—“Louis hiccups and then he’s proper crying, heaving breathes like he did when he first told Liam about the accident.

Liam pulls him in to a hug and hushes him gently. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay.”

Eva is pressed between them and making little whining noises, obviously picking up on how distressed Louis is. Liam presses a free hand to her back, rubbing soft circles until she calms down. His other hand is doing the same on Louis’ back but it takes longer for his sobs to turn in to sniffles, his face pressed in to the crevice where Liam’s neck meets his shoulder.

It’s a loud cough that has them pull apart, both of them reluctant. When he turns around, it’s with full intension to tell off his receptionist Carol—who knows not to interrupt when his door is closed—but it’s not her who he finds stood in the doorway.

“Am I interrupting something?” George asks with his usual easy smile.

“Just a family cuddle,” Louis tells him before Liam can reply. “We have to schedule one at least once a week or Eva thinks we don’t love her enough. She’s a very demanding child,”

“Sounds it.” George agrees.

Louis lips straighten in to line. “Well it was nice to see you, George. Always a pleasure but I’ve got to be getting _our_ child home for her nap.”

The way he says _‘our’_ makes Liam wince. It’s obviously not in an endearing way, it’s said to hurt George and Liam hates that Eva is being used like that.

“I’ll see you later, beautiful girl.” Liam says softly to Eva—who blinks up at him with a frown, clearly still upset with him for yelling in front of her—and then to Louis. “I’ll be home in a bit, okay?”

“Yeah,” Louis replies, his face more neutral now he’s looking at Liam. He lifts Eva for a better grip, and looks at Liam like he’s trying to read something in Liam’s expression that he’s not saying. He must come up blank because he sighs and walks out of the room, completely ignoring George on his way.

“Sorry,” Liam tells George. “We’ve had a bad day.”

“Its fine,” George replies but his expression says something else. “Lunch?”

Liam nods, grabs his phone off his desk and his bag from behind it. He informs Carol that he’s taking the rest of the day and isn’t surprised when she doesn’t question him on it—everyone at his old practice had been treating him like glass since he came back—and they head out.

They go to a local restaurant, a short walk from Liam’s work, one he’d been to many times. Mostly with Zayn, who’d show up announced when he knew it was Liam’s lunch, claiming they hadn’t seen each other in ages, even though half the time they’d spent the previous night together. It was probably one of Liam’s favourite times though because for a split second he’d have Zayn’s entire attention. They might have talked about Harry and (when she eventually came along) Eva but it was still only the two of them, it was still his chance to have his best friend all to himself, even if it was only for an hour.

“Where are you?” George asks, and Liam realised he’d been too lost in his own memories that he’d completely forgotten about the younger lad sitting opposite him.

“Sorry,” Liam apologises with a sheepish smile. “I’ve been here before, that’s all.”

“Zayn?”

Liam nods.

“We can go somewhere else if you’d like, I don’t mind.” George offers.

Liam shakes his head and grabs George’s arm when he goes to stand up. “No, it’s fine. Let’s order, yeah?”

George nods and they do, making idle chit chat until their food arrives and a little afterwards. In fact it’s not until they’re drinking coffee after they’ve eaten and Liam’s in the middle of telling a story about Eva—she’d cried the other night while Louis was watching a Donnie match and didn’t stop until he’d changed it to one of her kiddie programmes and Liam, who’d been ironing some clothes in the dining room, had found it completely hilarious—that George blurts it out.

“Are we working?”

Liam pauses mid laugh and instantly frowns. “What?”

“Are we working?” George repeats. “Because I don’t think we are,”

“Why—“Liam swallows roughly. “Why don’t you think we are?”

“Come on, Liam.” George says like it’s obvious.

Liam stares at him confused, honestly lost. He’d knew they were having to work around George being on tour but he thought they were managing that. The tour had been on for over a month now, and they were still strong, at least he thought so. But maybe the Skype chats and meeting up anytime George was back on English soil for five minutes, weren’t enough.

“Honestly?” George questions shocked.

“I don’t,” Liam shakes his head with a lost shrug.

George lets out a rough laugh and rubs at the back of his neck. “I honestly thought you knew.”

“What?” Liam pushes, slightly irritated now.

“Louis.” George states. “Christ, Liam. How can’t you see it?”

“See what?” Liam complains.

“He’s clearly in love with you.”

“Louis. In love with me?” Liam says slowly. “No, that, you’ve got the complete wrong end of the stick there, mate. Louis doesn’t love. He despises any form of romantic emotion.”

“Maybe not love then,” George says and he’s paying the bill, throwing down far too many notes than needed. “But there’s something there, and I think it’s there for you too.”

“No,” Liam disagrees.

“You’re either lying to me or lying to yourself here but either one, it’s not something I want to be a part of.” George replies with a frown.

Liam stays silent, still lost with how George could think that there was anything there for him when it came to Louis. Sure, there was that thing they had around the time when George first asked him out but nothing ever came of it. Liam had George and Louis had his string of lads, they were happy in their separate love lives.

“God, it’s so unfair, you know” George says, grabbing his coat off the back of his chair. “I waited so long to ask you out. And I thought, if I waited bit after—well after, you know. I thought you’d finally be ready for me but then I find you’ve obviously gone and fallen for another one of them.”

“Another one?” Liam questions, feeling like he’d been lost throughout this entire conversation.

“Now you’re just pulling my leg, right?” George asks him and when Liam stares blankly. “Zayn.”

“What about Zayn?”

“You were in love with him,” George informs him, honestly shocked. “Fuck, Liam. Why do you think I never asked you out before?”

“I just thought—“Liam shakes his head, he didn’t know what he thought.

“Fuck,” George says, it’s sympathetic. “You really might want to sort through your shit, mate.”

He squeezes Liam’s shoulder and Liam watches him walk away. He’s so strung up on _‘you were in love with him’_ that it takes him a solid minute to process that his relationship just ended.

*

Later that night—after coming home to an empty house—Liam raids the kitchen cupboards for any alcohol they have. By the time Louis finds him in the kitchen—an unconscious Eva cuddled to his chest—he’s flown past tipsy and is far on his way to being uncooperatively drunk.

“How many of those have you had?” Louis asks, shifting Eva for a better grip.

Liam blink several times in attempt to get clearer vision. “Two.”

“Glasses?”

Liam hiccups and reaches for the bottle to refill his glass. “Bottles.”

“Jesus, Liam.” Louis says and he sounds really far away. “Let me put Eva down and then I’ll come back down for you.”

Liam doesn’t answer he’s too busy drinking the contents of the glass he just filled. He doesn’t watch Louis leave but he notices once he has and then it hits him, how incredibly lonely he is. He lived alone for two years before all of this and he’s never felt as lonely as he did in this moment. But there’s no one left to talk to, when his life goes to shit, like it had today, there’s no one there who will sit down with him and talk through it.

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until he feels Louis’ hand soothe over his back. And suddenly a pang of guilt hits him because if George—who only knew of Zayn from what Liam talked about—if he thought Liam was in love with Zayn, then what if Louis did too. Maybe that’s why Louis gave him so much shit over the years, it was a protection thing, to make sure Liam didn’t confess to Zayn his true feelings and break Harry’s heart.

“I wasn’t in love with him,” Liam cries to Louis through heaved breathes. “I wasn’t. I wouldn’t do that.”

“Who, love?” Louis asks softly. “Who weren’t you in love with?”

“Zayn.” Liam blurts, another set of tears clogging his throat.

“Of course you weren’t in love with him,” Louis says like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “You were his best mate, you know that.”

“I loved him,” Liam confesses, all the thoughts in his brain now coming out of his mouth. “I didn’t—I wasn’t in love with him though. I loved him like, he was like, he was my brother, you know.”

“I know, love.” Louis agrees, and he’s trying to get Liam to stand up from the stool.

Liam rubs at his nose with the back of his arm and laughs dryly. “He broke up with me.”

“George?” Louis questions, trying to understand the mess that’s going on Liam’s head.

“Yeah,” Liam sniffs loudly.

“Well he’s an idiot,” Louis says, hooking an arm around Liam’s waist. “If he can’t see how great he’s got it then fuck him, you can do better anyway.”

“Can’t, he was the last one, Tommo. He was my last chance at happiness,” Liam hiccups, his feet feeling heavy as Louis tries to lead them out of the kitchen.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Louis scolds him.

“No, it’s not.” Liam cries. “You don’t understand ‘cause it’s easy for you. You live your life exactly the same as you did before, ‘cause none of the guys you fuck care if you have a kid. They still get exactly what they want from you, same as before. But me,”

Louis drops him on to the stairs with a grunt and Liam groans when his head hits one of the steps.

“How am I supposed to find a stable guy now?” He continues regardless. “No one wants to date someone with a kid, and a, and a Louis.”

Louis sighs and Liam stares up at the ceiling, fresh tears brewing in his eyes.

“You were right, you know.” He tells Louis. “No one wants to fall in love with me and now they’re not even going to stick around long enough to try.”

Louis’ on the phone to someone but the moment he hears Liam say that he’s hovering over him, grabbing his face in his hands.

“Listen me, you prat.” He says with a sad look on his face, it hurts Liam’s heart to look at it. “You’re drunk and upset, and you’re talking a load of shit. None of its true, not one single thing coming out of your mouth and once you’ve got over the horrible hangover you’re bound to have tomorrow, we’re going to talk. About George, and Zayn, and all this stupid nonsense you’ve clearly been bottling up.”

A tear slips from Liam’s eye and Louis wipes it away with his thumb.

“Okay,” He says softly.

“Okay,” Liam repeats.

Louis’ cuddling him then, which is awkward considering the position Liam’s spread out across the stairs, but still comforting somehow. He doesn’t know how long they’re there for but it’s a knock on the door that has them pull apart and a sudden feeling of sickness overwhelms him as Louis goes to answer it.

“Where is he?” Niall asks and Liam mumbles his name under his breath. “Oh dear, what a state have you got yourself in, ey Payno?”

“I just need help to get him up the stairs,” Louis informs the other lad.

Liam groans when two sets of arms lift him up and he tries his best to help but for some reason the alcohol has made his brain and feet nocomparative. It’s a struggle to get up the stairs and Liam apologises to the lads several times, hating being such a burden.

“You’re not a burden, Payno.” Niall promises as Liam’s dropped on to the bed.

Liam is, he knows he is and he hates not having control over himself. He should be the one taking care of everyone, not the other way around.

“Everyone’s allowed to lose control once in a while, mate.” Niall tells him and squeezes his arm.

Liam sighs and lets himself be manhandled on to the bed.

“Thanks,” Louis tells Niall. “I’ll have him call you in the morning.”

“Alright,” Niall says and then there’s footsteps and silence.

Liam groans and turns over, feeling sick and wanting nothing more than the room to stop spinning so he can go to sleep. The bed dips a few minutes later, and someone’s trying to lift him but Liam can’t move, to scared if he does he’ll throw up all over there floor. He tries to inform the person of this, and hopes they’ll leave him alone and let him sleep.

“Drink some of this for me, love.” Louis says gently. “Then I’ll let you sleep.”

Louis holds his head and feeds him water and he tries his best to be comparative but his limbs feel dead, like they’ve gone to sleep without his brain. Some of the water drips on his chest and Liam makes a feeble attempt to wipe it off but ends up not caring, happy when Louis lowers him back to bed, hoping that his brain will switch off so he can get some sleep.

“You’re gonna hurt like hell in the morning,” Louis says, his voice is soft and soothing. Liam wants to hear more of it. “What do you want me to talk about?”

“Anything,” Liam grumbles.

Louis starts reciting memories that involve them both and sometimes their best friends and his one hand is gently stroking through Liam’s hair as the other strokes his back. Liam drifts off to the sounds of his voice, and hopes for dreams of a life where his best friend is still alive and he still lives his old life.

*

Christmas comes faster than Liam expects and before he knows what’s happening they’re in the loft getting the decorations down, and taking Eva to sit on Santa’s lap—where unlike other kids her age, she giggled the entire time and tried to pull the old guys beard off—and having mini spats over who gets to buy what present for her, before realising they’ll all technically come from ‘Santa’ anyway.

The two of them are working far better than they ever had before and it’s all because the night after his break up with George —after they cuddled with Eva on the couch and watched films all day—they’d talked, about everything. From how they felt about losing Harry and Zayn, to how hard it is raising Eva without having a clue what they’re doing. It got easier after that night, the both of them turning to one another when things got rough rather than letting it brew in to several mental breakdowns.

And that’s how they made it through the entire month of December, the three of them, together. So, when Christmas Eve rolls around—with an added bonus of Louis’ birthday—Liam knows he has to something special, for all of them.

It starts with breakfast in bed for the birthday boy, which Liam and Eva make or Liam cooks with Eva’s contribution being when he takes it upstairs to Louis’ room, she climbs on to the bed and kisses his face until he wakes up. Louis proclaims it’s the best birthday wake up he’d had in his entire twenty seven years, the smile on his face so bright Liam couldn’t care if he was lying or not.

They have a lazy day because that’s what Louis had said he wanted when Liam asked, claiming he’d see all his family tomorrow so there was no point in doing any travelling today. So Liam has to invoke some Niall and Eva distraction skills in order to set up the surprise.

They blindfold Louis and Liam does a terrible job of leading him through the back of the house and out in to the garden, almost bashing him in to three things.

“Are you going to kill me?” Louis asks. “Is that why you’re hitting me with stuff, to try and disorientate me and soften me up to make it easier.”

“Yes,” Liam tells him. “It’s been my plan all along. I just needed a special occasion to do it, you know, really mess up Eva’s life for good.”

Louis laughs, and Liam does not feel proud for being the one to make him do so. “Poor kid has been buggered from the start if you ask me.”

“With an overprotective baba and a hands on daddy, she was never going to have it easy.” Liam replies, and stops Louis walking when they come to the right spot.

“Ready?” Niall asks, standing behind them with Eva balanced on his hip.

Liam nods to him, reaching up to undo Louis’ blindfold as Niall presses play on the laptop connected to the projector. A clip starts playing of Zayn—piled up with boxes—walking through the shitty old apartment block he used to live in when they’d first left Uni. The video plays on a sheet that Liam had attached to the wall of the garage—that sits at the bottom of the garden—and he’d placed candles all over the floor, so they had some lighting to go by when it got darker towards the start of the evening. There’s also the wicker chair that Liam had got Louis for his birthday—originally his only present until Liam had been watching the clips with Eva on his ipad one day, and got this idea—that he’d been going on about for weeks, because he wanted to ‘ _spruce up the garden’._

“There were videos on Hazza’s phone dating all the way back to when he first moved in to Zayn’s shitty little studio flat,” Liam tells Louis, unable to cast his eyes away from the screen. “So, I put them in order, all the way up to the one you showed me. It’s like a mini movie of their lives together.”

“Shit, Payno.” Louis say quietly as he stares at the screen also, and Liam thinks that’s his version of _‘thank you’_.

“Thank god it isn’t raining,” Niall says when no one speaks for a few minutes, he drops down on to the couch and its Eva giggling that makes Liam finally look away from the screen.

“If you just jinxed us Niall Horan, I swear.” Louis scolds but falls down on the couch next to him anyway.

Liam grabs some baileys and chocolates from inside before joining them. He puts his arm along the back of the couch to get comfortable once he’s sat down, which causes Louis to press against his side because the wicker couch really isn’t actually that big.

“Baba,” Eva says brightly when the video changes, this time of Zayn attempting to drill some shelves to a wall.

“That’s right, sweetheart.” Louis tells her, wrapping a hand around her tiny leg as she sits on Niall’s lap.

“Da!” She says a little louder, reaching out for the screen when the camera turns back on Harry, him telling them what a terrible job Zayn is doing with putting up the shelves.

“She remembers them then,” Niall comments, burying his smile in the top of Eva’s head.

“Yeah,” Louis says, tilting his head to look up at Liam. When Liam tilts his head down to smile at him, he leans up and brushes their lips together.

It’s not much a kiss—only Louis’ lips slotting over his for a second before they disappear again and if Niall hadn’t have snorted from the other side of the couch then Liam wouldn’t have even believed it happened—but to Liam it says so much. It’s thank you, we can do this and we’ll make them proud, all rolled in to one.

*

Christmas morning starts with tears, because apparently even though Eva isn’t able to walk yet she’s somehow clever enough to pull herself out of her crib and on to the awaiting hard wood floor. The scream she lets out is one of pain and Liam’s honestly panicked she’s broken something when he runs in to her room to find her sat on the floor outside her crib.

“I told you we should of put carpet down,” Louis scolds, running in after him and collecting Eva in his arms. He’s got a terrified look on his face as he checks her over for serious injuries.

“You also wanted her moved in as soon as possible so I’d stop sleeping on the couch,” Liam informs him, his eyes scanning over Eva also.

“She can sleep in with me next week while you lay carpet,” Louis orders, looking relieved when Eva doesn’t cry out as he moves about each of her limbs. “And we’re going to have to get baby gates installed, if she’s going to be able to get out of her crib.”

“Bloody trouble you are,” Liam says in a baby soft voice, wiping away the tears on her cheeks gently with his thumb. She smiles at him around her dummy, head pressed in to the curve of Louis’ neck.

“Santa’s come, Eves.” Louis exclaims, his bossy nature now exchanged for his childish one. “Shall we go see what he brought you?”

Eva blinks uncaring but Louis carries her out of the room and down the stairs excitedly anyway. Liam follows, wondering when the earliest time the shops will be open for them to go and get both carpet and a baby gate. When he makes in to the living room, both Eva and Louis are sat on the floor, completely surrounded by presents.

“Do you think we went overboard?” He wonders, sitting down in the space Louis creates for him.

“No,” Louis disagrees. “She deserves to be spoilt.”

Liam looks at Eva who’s already trying to break in to one of her many presents—the smile that constantly reminds him of Harry spread wide across her face—and can’t help but agree.

They open present after present with her, letting her take time with each one, knowing they have nowhere to go until early afternoon. By the time she’s finished, she’s looking a little lost, the amount of toys obviously too much for her little brain to process.

“Come here you,” Liam says and tugs her on to his lap. She wiggles for a moment—too many toys in her eye line distracting her—but he grabs a present from under the tree and hands it to her, and she soon settles down. “Give it to Uncle Tommo.”

“Lou,” Louis corrects, even though he’s smiling like he knows it’s not going to change.

“Go on, baby girl.” Liam says to Eva and guides her hands to give Louis the present.

Louis steals a kiss to Eva’s cheek as he takes the present from her hands.

“It’s from Eva and me.” Liam informs him with a small smile.

Louis looks up at him—the same smile soon mirroring on his lips—and then back to the present in his hands.

“Open it,” Liam says impatient.

It doesn’t take much more probing after that, and Louis tugs off the wrapping paper, pausing momentarily to ask for Eva’s help, who happily obliges, tugging off the last bits until the full box underneath is on show.

“I couldn’t get the exact same one, they don’t seem to make them anymore, not in my price range anyway.” Liam explains as Louis starts pulling apart the cardboard box to get to the camera inside. “And I know it’s not, like, it’s not going to be as special because it’s not from Haz—“  

“Liam,” Louis says in one breath, and Liam’s heart drops because Louis hardly ever calls him by his first name.

“It’s Eva’s fault, she was feeling terribly guilty about what happened so she talked me in to buying it.” Liam jokes, hoping it will stop Louis from being upset.

“It’s great,” Louis says finally. “I love it, thank you.”

He leans over to brush his lips across Liam’s cheek, and a memory of last year pops in to Liam’s head. The five of them—sat on the floor like kids—passing around presents. Liam had bought Louis a ball gag from a joke shop, and in return Louis had bought Liam a sex advice book. They’d squabbled over it, and Harry had yelled at them—which very rarely happened, he’d usually sit in the corner and sigh until they noticed and stop arguing—for ruining Eva’s first Christmas. He’d made them kiss and make up, and Louis had pressed a slobbery kiss to Liam’s cheek, and pinched his nipple afterwards. For some reason that memory feels like a life time ago, especially when Liam can feel the heat on his cheek where Louis’ lips had been.

“You’re welcome,” He says, in a lame attempt to play off his reaction.

Louis smiles at him, and that doesn’t appease Liam, if anything it makes thoughts of kissing Louis appear in his head after months of being pushed out. He fusses Eva for a minute, letting her squeeze his cheeks while he attempts to give her a thank you kiss and then he’s climbing from the floor, leaving his camera abandoned on the couch.

“Don’t you want to use it to take photos of her playing with her new toys?” Liam asks as he watches Louis walk across the room.

“I will, once I’ve made us a cuppa.” Louis promises, pausing halfway out the door. “Don’t touch it.”

He looks a kid who’s scared their friend might get to play with the toy they like before them. “I won’t.”

“Two sugars, yeah?” Louis asks and—once Liam nods—he disappears in to the kitchen.

Eva crawls from his lap once Louis has left the room, reaching for the closest toy out of the many that surround her, handing it to Liam when she’s punched the button a few times and it doesn’t work. She moves on to another one but glances at him as if to say ‘make it work it then’. Liam worries sometimes that if she’s this demanding at fifteen months that she’s going to be a world of trouble as a teen.

“You know, there are lots of toys around here that don’t need batteries, and they cost a lot more money. Of course, you don’t have any concept of money so you don’t care that your Uncle Tommo got this for a fiver from by the till in Primark.” He tells her as he turns around—to grab some batteries from the box of bits in the corner—and when he turns back, she’s on her feet.

“T-Tommo!?” He screams, glancing at the empty kitchen doorway and then back at Eva.

Eva glances at him, smile on her lips, as if she knows exactly what she’s doing. Liam falls over his own hands and feet as he rushes to grab Louis’ abandoned camera.

“Tommo! Tommo, get the hell in here!” He yells, trying to figure out how to work the bloody thing.

“What’s with the yelling?” Louis asks, spotting Liam before Eva. “I told you not to touch that!”

“She’s gonna walk you idiot, get over here.” Liam snaps back.

Louis rushes over, snatching the camera from Liam’s hand and switches it on, presses a load of buttons before he focuses on Eva.

“Come on, beautiful girl.” Liam encourages her, holding his hands out to her for support.

She’s wobbly at first but she puts one step forward and then another, and then she does a couple of fast steps and falls in to his open arms.

“Yay!” Liam cheers, wrapping his arms around her and pressing kisses to her face.

“Ahh!” Eva squeals delighted.

“Well done, baby.” Louis cheers, the camera in his hand so he could watch it with his own eyes instead of through a lens.

Eva allows them fuss her for a moment before she wriggles free of Liam’s grip, wanting to do more walking now she knows how. He hovers his hands by her side at first, to make sure she’s stable enough to not fall and hurt herself. But she’s a smart kid and manages to get the hang of it quite quickly.

Louis films her take a few steps and then he turns the camera on Liam with such a proud smile it makes Liam chock up slightly.

“25th of December, 2018” Liam tells the camera, hoping the crack in his voice is passed off as him being emotional over Eva’s achievement. “Eva’s second Christmas and her first steps.”

Louis turns the camera off after that, setting it on the couch and then sits on the floor with his legs spread out like in a V in front of him. He grabs Eva from where’s she’s standing by the couch and holds her between them, gesturing for Liam to do the same opposite him and Liam does so, making grabby hands for his goddaughter, with an excited face. She squeals as she walks towards his open arms, and happily lets him turn her around, squealing again as she walks back to Louis.

They’ll have to leave to do the drive around all the Grandparent’s houses soon but for now, he’s content to sit on the living room floor—where up to a grand worth of toys surrounds them—with Louis and have Eva walk back and forth between them, a warm feeling in his chest with every step she takes.

*

New Year’s Eve is the day they finally have a break, the first time in three months that they’re both given the night off. Liam’s mother takes Eva for the night—somehow over Christmas Evas clingyness had calmed down and she was able to stay with other people without Liam and Louis being there—and all but forces the boys to make plans that don’t involve sitting in the house getting drunk.

Niall drags them to a party in the centre of London—some famous footballer whose sister he’d been having a fling with is throwing it—but neither of them are really in the mood for socialising, and end up secluding themselves on the balcony of the gorgeous penthouse the party is being held at.

“I have something for you,” Louis says and Liam looks at him confused.

“What?” He asks.

Louis fiddles inside his skinny jeans—which really at twenty seven might be too tight, not that Liam is going to complain, like he’s not going to complain about the dark blue shirt currently clinging to every inch of Louis’ upper body—and retrieves a tiny package containing a certain green substance.

“Louis, we can’t.” Liam shakes his head, trying to hide the bag and looking around to make sure no one has seen it.

“Come on, Payno.” Louis grins, it’s more cheeky than dirty. Liam still doesn’t trust it. “We get one night off, we should make the most of it.”

“Why can’t we get drunk like everyone else?” Liam complains but he’s grabbing Louis’ arm and trying to find them a secluded area of the balcony.

They tuck themselves in to the far corner on the floor, their backs pressed against the wall, and the view of London city spread out in front of them.

“It’s gorgeous up here,” Liam observes, as Louis rolls a joint beside him.

“Prefer ours,” Louis shrugs.

“Our back garden overlooks a graveyard.” Liam reminds him.

“I meant, like, the house.” Louis explains, searching in his back pocket for a lighter. “S’nicer, feels more like a home. This feels like a hotel. I know it’s not ours but if it was, you know. Would hate to have to raise Eva in a world like this.”

Liam snorts. “Did you had some of that before we got here?”

“No,” Louis laughs, knocking their shoulders together. He slips the joint between his lips and—after the few attempts it takes to get the lighter to work—lights it.

“I miss her,” Liam admits. “We’ve only dropped her off this afternoon and I already miss her. Is that weird?”

Louis takes a long drag and then hands the joint over. “No, I miss her too. Feels a bit weird to be celebrating without her hear, to be honest.”

“Can we pick her up tomorrow?” Liam asks. “I know mum said she’ll have her until Monday but I don’t think I can wait that long.”

“Sure,” Louis agrees easily, and pushes Liam’s hand towards his mouth to try and get him to smoke.

Liam does, taking a few drags and flicking away the ash before handing it back.

“The last time I smoked one of these, I was seriously pissed at you.” Liam says as the memory floats back to him.

“That doesn’t sound like us.” Louis says and takes another drag, resting his head back against the wall.

Liam laughs and rests his head back as well. “It was at _their_ wedding and you’d just managed to squish a five hundred pound cake with your large arse.”

“My arse is amazing I’ll have you know,” Louis states, nudging Liam’s arm so he can hand the joint back over. “But I remember that, you _were_ pissed at me. I was actually a little scared.”

“Really?” Liam asks shocked.

“Yeah,” Louis says and pushes at Liam’s elbow to get him to smoke again. “I think if Hazza wasn’t there, that might have actually been the day you killed me.”

“I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t cross my mind,” Liam admits and takes another drag.

Louis laughs. “How many times in the entire time we’ve know about it have you actually thought about it?”

“Daily,” Liam informs him. “In the beginning. Then you’d been around for a while, it was hourly.”

“And now?” Louis asks through another laugh.

Liam shrugs. “I kind of want to keep you around now.”

“Yeah?”

Liam nods, and they fall in to a comfortable silence until the joint has disappeared between the two of them. It’s not until Louis’ leaned up to chuck the butt over the wall that Liam notices it hasn’t hit him like it used to—when Zayn first had him try, he’d quoted marvel comics like they were a piece of English literature and giggled for an hour straight—but there’s a nice buzz in his bones, the kind you get after a round of really good sex.

The countdown echoes from inside and fireworks start blasting off from all areas across the city.

“Three, two, one.” Liam whispers along with the people cheering inside.

“Happy New Year, babe.” Louis says, tilting his head to look at Liam with a lazy smile.

Liam’s breath catches slightly—the common term of endearment still making his chest feel a little heavy when used by anyone who isn’t Zayn—but Louis’ smile softens the blow and he feels himself slowly smiling too.

“Happy New Year, Lou.”

Louis lips falter for a moment—the common nickname for him that was used mainly by Harry obviously giving him the same feeling as Liam—but they soon tilt up again, his eyes glazing over slightly like a memory is flashing through his head. Liam knocks their shoulders together and waits for the smile to be focused back on him, not knowing what it means when his heart beat picks up when it is.

“It’s been a shit year,” Louis admits, tilting his face closer to Liam. “But we’ve got a gorgeous little girl, and each other, and I think, we could make this next year a good one.”

“Yeah?” Liam asks softly.

“Yeah,” Louis repeats, his eyes dropping to Liam’s lips.

Liam finds himself doing the same, tilting his face closer until he can feel Louis’ breath brush against his lips. Unlike the first time there’s no baby screaming to pull them apart, and when they’re lips finally do touch, it’s like something switches in both of them. They’re kissing then—and it’s not a soft brush of lips like it was on Christmas eve—It’s hungry and heated and Louis is pressing against him like he’s trying to get more.

Liam feels his dominant side take over as his fingers slip in to Louis’ hair, tugging slightly until the other lad backs of a little and allows himself to be pressed back against the wall. He feels Louis’ blunt nails scrape across his back in attempts to cling to something as Liam deepens the kiss, pressing his tongue in to Louis’ mouth.

Louis whines, actually whines when Liam tugs on his hair, trying to get more of the older lad’s already accepting mouth. Liam can feel himself growing hard in his jeans from that, he doesn’t know how far they plan to go with this but his brain is already showing him ideas of Louis spread out on a bed completely naked and ready to take whatever Liam wants to give him.

“Here you two are,” Niall’s voice slurs, causing them to jump apart. “Been looking all over for you two, wanted to be with you when the ball dropped but you sneaked off, you sneaky—sneakers.”

There’s a girl tucked under his arm—she’s wearing a white dress that hugs her curves and compliments her dark skin perfectly—and she looks extremely apologetic. It’s easy to guess that she’s the sister of the footballer, but the way she’s acting seems to be a lot more than the casual Niall had told them it was.

“Sorry, mate.” Liam answers a little breathless, ignoring Louis who’s staring at him in shock. “Let’s go have some New Year shots, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Niall woops, throwing his arms up in the air.

Liam climbs to his feet and then turns around to offer his hand out to Louis, the other lad takes it but continues to look at Liam like he’s grown three heads.

“You okay, Tommo?” Niall asks.

Louis finally looks away from Liam and blinks, like he’s trying to come back to himself. “Fine, yeah, why aren’t we drinking?”

He leads the way back inside and Liam lets himself drop back, unable to stop the small giddy smile from falling on his lips.

*

They don’t talk about it.

The next day when they wake up in Niall’s spare bedroom—the only part of them touching being Liam’s hand around Louis’ wrist—they share an awkward look before Louis escapes the bedroom to claim first use of the only bathroom.

They leave Niall’s—once they’re both showered and dressed, and Liam had cooked all four of them bacon butties—with promises of a night of takeaway and movies.

They drive the two hours to collect Eva from Liam’s mums and the two hours back, and spend the day being lazy and working through their hangovers while a now stable toddler demands all of their attention.

They spend the night curled up on the couch, with Eva between them and Niall spread out across the floor and watch Disney movie after Disney movie until they’re all so stuffed with dominos that they don’t need to eat for at least a week.

They don’t talk about it when they say goodnight, both of them retreating to their separate bedrooms. They don’t talk about it when Eva wakes up in the middle of the night, crying for no apparent reason and not settling until the three of them are curled up in Louis’ bed.

They don’t talk but something changes between them. They’ll be moments where Louis’ got too much energy—more than even Eva can keep up with sometimes—and Liam will brush his fingers across his neck or curl a hand around his waist and it pacifies him instantly. Or when Liam’s stressed about bills, or work, or taking care of Eva and Louis will curl in to his side, distract him with whispered conversation about anything but the subject at hand.

They don’t talk but in a way they don’t need to.

*

When January 12th rolls around Liam can feel the ache building his chest again because for a guilty moment he’d forgotten, he’d let himself get so lost in the Christmas and New Year spirit that he forgot that his best mate’s birthday was around the corner and he wasn’t here to celebrate it.

“Morning,” Louis greets cheerfully when Liam wanders in to the kitchen around midday.

Eva gives Liam her own greeting from her high chair, almost mimicking Louis’ word but not quite. Liam kisses her first—a little one to the crown of her head—and then he moves across the kitchen to where he knows the alcohol is stashed.

“Gemma’s going to take Eva tonight,” Louis informs him. “Me and you are gonna go out.”

Liam pauses what he’s doing to look at Louis. “Excuse me?”

“This is not going to happen, Payno.” Louis tells him firmly. “We’re not going to spend every birthday and anniversary feeling sorry for ourselves. If he was here we’d celebrate, so that’s what we’re going to do.”

“No, thanks.” Liam says blankly, the thought of trying to celebrate the life of someone who is no longer here not appealing to him.

“Fine, be stubborn.” Louis says irritated. “But you won’t be a mess here, not around Eva. You will not teach her that today isn’t a day to celebrate how amazing her Baba was.”

“Louis,” Liam says, the _‘watch yourself’_ is silent.

“They’re your only choices, Liam.” Louis informs him. “Spend the night with me and celebrate how amazing our friend was or spend the night in Niall’s spare room, drinking yourself to an early grave.”

Liam doesn’t reply but he doesn’t grab a bottle like he planned either, instead he blanks Louis, presses another kiss to Eva’s head and heads back upstairs. He needs more sleep before he can deal with today.

*

“Where were we going to go out?” He asks Louis later that afternoon.

Louis grins from his seat on the couch, and reaches for his phone without answering Liam’s question. He sends Liam back upstairs to have a bath, and get ready, while he rings Gemma to have her come over and take Eva. Liam does as he’s told begrudgingly, hating that he has time to think while he’s in the bath and getting out after ten minutes and instead getting in the shower, letting the sound of the water drain out any possible thoughts running through his head.

He continues the pattern, drying his hair for longer than he has to because it gives him a moment of piece inside his own head. He doesn’t attempt to find something to wear, throwing on the first shirt he grabs out of his wardrobe and the jeans he’d worn to go to the shops with Eva the previous afternoon.

“Your shirt’s creased,” Louis says first when he wanders in to Liam’s room almost an hour later.

Liam doesn’t care, he’s been lying on his bed for the past hour—pinching his arm to stop himself from crying—and wondering if they’ll ever be a time when this doesn’t hurt as much.

Louis notices his arm—Liam can feel his eyes glued to the red patch of skin—but he doesn’t mention it, instead he goes over to Liam’s wardrobe and huffs until he finds a shirt he likes. Liam sits on the end of the bed and waits until Louis’ finished and he gets a plaid red button down—that’s he’s not sure even fits him anymore—and a pair of black jeans—that he knows are a size too tight—thrown at him.

“You always look good in plaid,” Louis compliments, and then wrinkles his nose. “And your jeans have a stain on them.”

“But—“Liam tries.

Louis ignores him and makes a hurry up motion with his hands as he walks out of the room. Liam can hear him talking with Gemma downstairs and sighs, moving over to his wardrobe to get a fresh pair of jeans that fit and a white T to throw under the plaid shirt in case it doesn’t.

“Hurry your arse up, Payno.” Louis shouts from downstairs as Liam’s hopping around the room, trying to pull the too tight skinny jeans over his legs. “You want to say goodbye to Eva before she goes, don’t you?”

Liam quickly changes out of the wrinkled shirt, throws on the white T and rushes to get the red button down over his arms as he practically runs down the stairs. Louis gives him a worried look as he almost misses the last step and stumbles in to the hallway. Gemma—who has Eva balanced on her hip—only rolls her eyes, growing up with Harry obviously giving her an immunity to clumsy human beings.

“Say bye bye to your Uncles then, squirt.” Gemma says to Eva.

“Bye, bye.” Eva complies with a small wave.

“Bye, bye.” Liam mocks and presses one too many kisses to her face.

Louis slips his arm around Liam’s waist and joins them and Eva giggles cute enough that it even pulls a smile out of Gemma.

“We’ll pick her up as early as we can tomorrow.” Louis assures Gemma.

“Pick her up when you want,” Gemma replies, taking Eva’s overnight bag from him and adjusting the baby on her hip for a better grip.

“Thanks,” Liam tells her, indulgingly threading his fingers through the hair on the back of Eva’s head.

“Have a good night, okay?” She requests. “Eat, get drunk, have fun. Celebrate it the way you would if they were here, that’s what they would have wanted.”

Liam nods and she reaches a free hand out to squeezes his arm. He offers the best smile he can, and she smiles back, pulling back her hand to punch Louis in the arm.

“Look after him,” She says to him, pointing at Liam.

Louis rolls his eyes and opens the front door, pretending to push her out of it—though he stops to give Eva another kiss on the cheek—and when she’s gone, he turns and looks at Liam with such a hopeful expression that the thought of being sad tonight makes Liam’s entire body fill with guilt.

“I’ll book us a taxi,” Louis says and disappears off to the kitchen.

Liam goes back upstairs—to collect his wallet, phone and jacket—and when he comes back down a few minutes later, he finds Louis waiting for him in the hallway. It’s only then he really gets to look at the other lad—dressed in brown oxfords, dark jeans, a grey polo with a black blazer over the top—and Liam finds him staring a little because he’d gotten so used to seeing Louis looking sleep rumpled in jogging bottoms and band t-shirts that this well put together person in front of him looks like a completely different bloke.

“Alright?” Louis asks when Liam doesn’t speak.

Liam nods, taking the last few steps on the stairs to get closer to the other lad.

“Taxi will be here in five,” Louis says quietly, body tensing with every step Liam takes towards him.

Liam lets his fingers drift through the front of Louis’ hair—where he’d blow dried his fringe to make it stay back but hadn’t put any products in, leaving it soft, the way Liam likes it—and has his other hand curl around Louis’ hip, under his jacket.

“After,” Louis says softly when Liam leans closer. “We’ve, I’ve, there’s stuff we need to do first.”

“Yeah?” Liam asks, digging his fingers in to Louis’ hip.

“Hmm,” Louis hums pliant, reacting quickly to Liam’s touch.

“Okay,” Liam says and removes both his hands, taking a step back.

A look of disappointment crosses Louis’ face but he quickly stools it, his own fingers drifting in to his hair to tidy it back up. Liam digs his own hands in to the pockets of his jeans, wanting nothing more than to drag Louis upstairs and take out every emotion he has on the other lad’s body, until they’re both so tired from sex, there’s no room for thoughts anymore.

They stand in an awkward silence until the taxi beeps from outside, and once they’ve left the house and climb in the cab, it’s not much better. Louis reels of an address to the driver, and spends the entire twenty minute drive in to London being irritable to a point of making Liam want to take him right there in the cab, force him down on the seat and fuck him until he’s pacified.

The cabbie drops them off by trafalgar square and Louis tells Liam they’ve got a short walk to get to get to the place they’re going. He doesn’t know why it takes him so long to catch on but once he does, he can feel an itch in his bones, like’s he’s scared of what he might find.

“It’s alright,” Louis promises, obviously catching on to the tension building in Liam’s bones.

Liam trusts him, he doesn’t know why, maybe it’s due to the thing that’s building between or maybes it due to raising a baby together over the past four months, but when Louis threads his fingers through Liam’s and leads him down the small cobble path towards the restaurant where it all began, all he can think is ‘ _I trust you’_.

It’s closed, is the first thing he notices when they reach the outside. There’s not a single light on inside and when Louis produces a key from his pocket, he can see why. Louis drops Liam’s hand so he can open the door, flicking the lights on as they both walk inside. It’s exactly as they left it, the chairs turned upside down on the tables, as they were every night before Harry and Zayn went home to bed. That’s what if feels like, when Liam’s eyes catch the one set table—his favourite one tucked in to the corner—for two. It feels like Harry and Zayn had offered the place for Louis for the night so he could take Liam on their first date.

Reality hits him like a knife to the chest and Liam has to grab on to Louis’ hand to keep himself from falling off the emotional edge he’d been balanced on all day.

“Alright?” Louis asks, squeezing his hand gently.

Liam nods, taking a moment to regain himself. “I thought they would have sold it on.”

“You never talked about what you wanted to do with it,” Louis reminds him quietly. “So, I’ve been paying the rent each month and waiting until you’re ready to decide.”

God, Liam wants to kiss him right there but Louis had said _‘after’_ and he’s not a child so he restrains himself and instead lets his eyes look around the place that was once occupied by crowds of people, and run by their two best friends.

“It was your guys place, you know.” Louis continues, squeezing Liam’s hand again and then letting go to move towards the kitchen. “There wasn’t an attachment there for me. Not the same as there was for you,”

Liam follows him in to the kitchen and leans on one of the counters, watching as Louis potters around. There’s a saucepan resting on the stove that Louis flicks on, and the gentle hum of the oven can also be heard.

“It didn’t feel right for me to be the one to make the decision.” Louis finishes, reaching in the oven for the pre-prepared food.

“Thanks,” Liam says softly, his heart feeling heavy with how grateful he is for this other lad.

Louis shrugs with a sheepish smile, taking the potatoes off the tray and piling them on to each plate.

“I can’t believe you’re cooking,” Liam observes, tilting his head back. “I bet Haz is loving this.”

“He’s probably doing a running commentary of all the things I’m doing wrong,” Louis comes back, moving back to the oven to collect another tray, this time filled with two breasts of chicken wrapped in parma ham.

It hits him then that Louis had made them the only meal Harry had ever taught him to cook. The meal that was a constant running joke between them from before Liam had even met them. It makes his heart ache a little, with both happiness and loss.

“Did you buy those from Tesco?” Liam teases.

“Hey, I’ll have you know everything here is made from scratch.” Louis pouts. “I had to have Niall put them in the oven to keep them warm, because someone took forever to finally decide he wanted to go out tonight.”

“When did you have the time?” Liam asks.

“You’ve been locked in your room all day, mate.” Louis reminds him. “I left for two hours while Ni watched Eva, you still hadn’t come down by the time I got back. I actually got a bit worried you were going to choose to spend the night getting drunk in his spare room.”

“I thought about it,” Liam tells him honestly.

“I’m glad you changed your mind,” Louis says with a small smile. “Wouldn’t have been so nice to spend the night on my own.”

“Yeah,” Liam agrees quietly.

“Poor the wine?” Louis requests, turning his back on Liam to grab the saucepan from the stove.

Liam grabs two glasses from the stand hanging from the ceiling and goes over to the rack to find one of the more expensive bottles, thinking if they’re going to toast to his best friend, they’re going to do it in style.

*

Three bottles of wine, two meals and one shared dessert later, they’re laughing as they recite stories of their lives to each other. The ache that Liam had woken with that morning, is slowly being replaced with something that he can’t quite explain but he knows that, whatever it is, it’s due to the boy sitting opposite him.

“You should have seen the messes he used to date before Harry,” Liam says, filling both their glasses with what’s left of the last wine bottle.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, he had this type, it was like guys who were so broken they couldn’t do anything but fuck him and fuck off.” Liam explains. “Hazza was like a breath of fresh air, really.”

“You should have seen Hazza’s taste in guys before he met Zayn,” Louis tells him. “He went through this faze where he would only date men who were a good few years older than him, guys who had their lives together so they could spend every moment worrying about him and what he’s up to. He had a crush on that Radio one host, what’s his name—“

“Greg James?” Liam guesses.

“No, the other one, the gay one.” Louis says with a thoughtful look. “Grimey?”

“Grimmy,” Liam corrects. “Nick Grimshaw?”

Louis nods. “That’s the one. Awful hipster looking fella, looked like he got his clothes from a thrift shop and only listened to alternative music, which was ironic, considering his job.”

“They were always so opposite,” Liam says, considering the two different tastes in men just explained. “Like, if you’d asked me from an outside perspective, they would be the last two people I would have put together.”

“Yeah,” Louis agrees softly. “But they made it work. They weren’t perfect for each other but they loved each other, and that’s all that mattered, right?”

Liam doesn’t answer, he’s too busy pushing himself up from his chair to stretch across the table and kiss Louis. He’d been thinking about it all night, his eyes involuntary dropping to Louis’ lips every time he ran his tongue across them, or took a sip of his wine. He doesn’t know what pushes him to do it, maybe he’d put the last thing Louis said in perspective to them and realised finally what he wants.

“Now?” He asks, lips still pressed to Louis’.

Louis nods eagerly and Liam keeps his hands clasped around Louis face as he moves around the table, leaning down to kiss him properly. Like New Year’s Eve, its hungry and heated but this time Louis sinks in to instantly, already ready to give Liam whatever he wants. Liam needs to get him home before he does something stupid, like fuck him there on the floor of the restaurant.

He reluctantly pulls away to get Louis to ring a taxi, and when it comes he makes sure to sit in the front seat, eager hands scratching as his jeans as Louis sits in the back seat, quieter than Liam’s ever seen. He throws a note at the taxi driver when they arrive at the house, not caring if he’s paid double the fair.

Louis is already at the front door by the time Liam gets out, shaky hands trying to get the key in the lock. Liam takes it from him and does it himself, pushing the door open and letting Louis walk inside first. They stare at each other for a moment, as if they’re both offering each other an out before anything happens that they can’t turn back from.

When Liam’s sure of his answer—and Louis’—he curls his fingers around Louis’ wrist and drags him up the stairs, pausing on the landing before heading in to his room, not wanting to do it in Louis’ room that has Eva’s cot tucked in to the corner, due to the carpet still being laid in hers.

They don’t kiss again until they’re inside the room, door closed behind them. It urgent and desperate, both of them finally accepting what’s about to happen.

“Get undressed,” Liam orders, stepping away from Louis’ eager hands that are reaching for his belt. He presses himself back against the door, folding his arms to stop himself reaching out for Louis the way he so badly wants to.

Louis meets his eyes—a challenge held there—before he drops his gaze to his own belt which he quickly starts working on undoing. That’s what Liam had wanted, he needed to know if he was going to do this, that Louis was a willing participant. Having Louis strip in front of him—a gorgeous flush coating his tanned skin—well that was an added bonus.

“Jesus, Tommo.” Liam rasps, when he finally has Louis naked in front of him. He steps forward—finally allowing himself to touch—and trails his hands down Louis arms until he reaches his hands, then lift them up so he can trace the curve of Louis’ body with his fingertips.

Louis visibly shivers as Liam’s hands move around the curve of his hips and to his arse, needing it gently. They’re close enough now that Liam can feel Louis growing hard against his thigh, and he feels a little proud, knowing he’s the one that caused that.

“You look so good.” Liam tells him, moving his lips to Louis neck. He wraps his fingers around Louis’ shaft and feels the strain against his own jeans, at the low moan Louis lets out as Liam starts to stroke him slowly.

“Fuck,” Louis whimpers, as Liam bites down, hard, on the junction where his neck meets his shoulder.

Liam leaves another two marks, one on the dip of Louis’ collar bone and another to his peck, underneath where his number 70 tattoo lays. He slowly moves his way back up until he can catch Louis’ lips in another kiss, not pausing his hand movements on Louis’ cock until the other lad is thrusting in to his grip, and making noises that tell Liam he’s close.

Louis whines when he pulls away, and it Liam wasn’t already rock solid in the confines of his jeans then that would have definitely done it.

“On the bed,” Liam directs, pressing a short chaste kiss to Louis’ lips before letting him go.

Louis does as instructed, even if he doesn’t look happy about it. Liam removes his plaid shirt and shucks off his jeans and finds himself staring when he actually looks and finds Louis spread across his bed, naked and waiting for him.

“Move on to your front for me,” He asks, kneeling on the end of the bed.

Louis lips are parted and he pauses, and for a moment Liam thinks he’s going to fight, to see how far he has to push to get Liam to react. But the disapproval must show on Liam’s face because soon he’s moving, flipping himself on to his front and burying his flushed cheeks in to his folded arms.

Liam nudges Louis’ legs apart with his knees and crawls between them, settling back on his heels. He squeezes Louis’ arse cheeks and then slaps them both with his right hand, satisfied with the hitched breath it pulls from Louis.

“Okay?” He checks.

Louis swallows loudly. “Yes, yeah.”

Liam does it again, a little harder this time, his dick twitching as the sound of it echoes off the wall. Another hitched breath leaves Louis, and this time it’s followed by a twitch of his hips.

“Again?” Liam asks.

“Please,” Louis pleads and Liam has to squeezes himself through his boxers, to relieve the pressure a little.

Liam rubs a gentle hand over Louis’ reddening arse cheek and then slaps it once, twice, six more times. Louis’ breathing heavily now, his hips withering against the bed in attempt to find some friction.

“In the second draw, there’s condoms and lube.” Liam says, stroking a gentle hand up Louis’ spine. “Get them for me, yeah?”

There’s not even an incline of a pause this time, as Louis immediately does as asked, stretching an arm across to the bed to the draw. He bangs around inside it for a good few minutes, making a frustrated noise when he finally manages to grab what is wanted and throws it back at Liam.

Liam pulls off the plain t-shirt he had on under his plaid shirt and then uncaps the lube, pouring a generous amount on to his hands. He works Louis up to three fingers, the other lad trembling underneath him and making these gorgeous noises that Liam could come just from hearing.

“Please,” Louis whines eventually, his knuckles are white from how hard he’s gripping the bed sheets.

“What do you want?” Liam asks, removing his hand so he can coat Louis’ body with his own. His clothed erection nestles itself between the dip of Louis’ arse cheeks. “Tell me what you want, Lou.”

“You, I want you.” Louis pants, turning his head to the side so he can see Liam. He looks fucked already and they’ve barley even started.

Liam kisses him messily, and then climbs off the bed, removing his boxers and putting on a condom. Louis’ quiet aside from his breathing. Liam crawls back on to the bed, trailing kisses from the base of Louis’ spine up to his shoulder.

“Liam,” Louis begs, his voice a pitch higher from how desperate he is.

Liam lifts his hips slightly, using one hand to part his cheeks as he uses his other to guide himself inside. Louis’ breathe hitches when he bottoms out and Liam gives him a few seconds to adjust before he starts to rock his hips slowly. Louis starts making noises like they belong in a porn film as Liam picks up his pace, the front of his thighs slapping against the back of Louis' with each thrust.

“On your elbows for me, babe.” Liam instructs, and curls his forearm across Louis front once he’s moved.

Louis’ breathes out shakily, head dropping between his shoulders as Liam starts to fuck him again. It’s harder this time, both of them panting together and Liam can feel the sweat from every inch they’re touching. It doesn’t take long for Louis to start mumbling nonsense, begging for Liam to touch him and let him come.

“Not yet,” Liam says, lips pressed to the shell of Louis’ ear. “Wanna see your face when you come.”

Louis shivers at the words and then lets out a whine of complaint when Liam pulls out of him. He lets himself be manhandled on this back and Liam gives his cock the attention it’s been craving as he moves one of Louis’ legs to rest on his shoulder. He lines himself up, and presses back in slowly, only making it a few thrusts before Louis’ making those pretty little noises again.

“Please, please, please,” He chants, clenching around Liam as he tries to hold himself back until he’s got permission.

Liam waits until he can feel himself near the edge—his thrusts hard and concentrated and Louis’ beseech to come is echoing against his ear—and when he feels close, he finally wraps his hard around Louis’ neglected cock.

“Now, com now.” Liam tells him, jerking him in time to his thrusts.

Louis does, with a loud cry and trembling thighs. He clenches down around Liam and it pushes him towards his own orgasm, his fingers digging in to the meat of Louis’ thighs as he comes.  

Louis falls silent after—once Liam’s pulled out of him and removed the condom—so Liam manhandles him in to a cuddle, knowing that’s what is needed sometimes. He threads his fingers through Louis’ sweat mused hair and waits for him to come back to himself.

“Hey,” Liam says softly when Louis finally blinks up at him.

“Hey,” Louis echoes quietly, still looking kind of out of it.

There’s another silence between them, and then Louis’ letting out a loud yawn that looks completely adorable, especially when it’s paired with his drooping eyes. Liam can’t believe he’s got to the point where he finds Louis adorable, but there it is.

“Tired?”

Louis nods, and tucks his face in to Liam’s neck—the way Eva does sometimes when she’s sleepy and in need of a cuddle—and Liam wants to stay there forever, the two of them wrapped up in their warm sex filled bubble.

“I need to throw away the condom,” Liam say softly, after indulging himself for a few minutes.

Louis makes a grumbling noise but moves off Liam, who reluctantly grabs the condom—from where it had been abandoned among the sheets—and leaves the room to wrap it in toilet roll and throw it in the bathroom bin.

Louis’ asleep by the time he comes back, and it’s only then that Liam really gets to look at him. There’s marks covering his skin—from Liam’s teeth and hands—and his arse cheeks are imprinted with Liam’s hand. But it’s not them that makes Liam’s breath catch in his throat, it’s the expression on his face. It’s peaceful, his lips tilted up in to a slight smile and forehead clear of frown lines. Liam had slept next to Louis a few times now, and he’s restless even in his sleep, always moving around or making faces as he dreams. But now, he’s completely still bar the gentle rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed.

Liam crawls in to the bed and curls up next to Louis and drifts off to sleep to the sound of Louis’ breath like a lullaby playing beside him.

*

The next morning Liam wakes up alone. He showers and washes away any evidence that the night before even happened. He dresses in sweats and a one of Zayn’s old t-shirts and puts in two loads of washing, one for the ruined bed sheets and one for their clothes. He’s cleaning up the kitchen when Louis comes through the door, carrying Eva and with Niall and Reah trailing behind him.

“Morning, Payno.” Niall greets with a smirk on his lips.  

Louis comes over to him with Eva still balanced on his hip, and presses up against his side. “Gemma rang this morning, she had an emergency meeting with one of her clients. I didn’t wanna wake you,”

He looks genuinely worried that Liam might have thought exactly what Liam did think, that he’d ran at the first chance he got.

“And you just happened to pick up two strays on your way home?” Liam asks with a smile to convey that he’s not upset, not now he knows Louis stayed.

“We pulled up at the same time, actually.” Niall informs him.

“Came for free breakfast?” Liam guesses.

Niall grins. “You know me well.”

“And I wouldn’t mind seeing the video Niall’s told me about.” Reah adds with a nervous smile.

She’s still getting used to them, and even though Liam’s come to know her as the female version of Niall—he’s never met a girl who can neck a pint that fast or known anyone who finds Louis as funny as Niall—it can still take her a few minutes to settle in to being around them before she can be her usual self.

“The Harry and Zayn video?” Liam wonders.

“Yeah,” Niall answers. “Was telling her some stories about them and one of them was from the wedding, and I remembered that it was part of that video you made.”

“Oh,”

“It’s okay if it’s personal,” Reah says when no one talks for a few seconds. “If it’s something you guys want to keep for yourself, then I don’t have to see it.”

“No, it’s fine.” Liam promises. “Louis can show you while I make us all some breakfast.”

Louis—who’s still plastered against Liam’s side—looks up at him with a small smile. “Eva and I have a request for breakfast, if you’re cooking.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis says and then looks down at the baby in his arms.

Eva pauses where she’s playing with the neck of his jumper when she feels his attention on her and looks up at him curiously. Louis whispers something to her and she smiles, and looks at Liam.

“Pack-cakes.” She announces proudly.

“Pack-cakes?” Liam asks and then it clicks. “Pancakes?”

“Pack-cakes.” Eva repeats, as if to say _‘Duh, how did you not get that, Unle Li?’_

“Pancakes,” Liam nods. “With sugar and lemon or with chocolate syrup?”

Louis whispers to Eva like they’re discussing it deeply and it would have looked believable had the sixteen month old not put her hand in Louis mouth mid whisper. Louis laughs, removes Eva’s hand and looks to Liam.

“Chocolate syrup and banana, please.”

“Coming up.” Liam says and tickles Eva’s stomach, waiting for her to giggle before he turns to focus on making the breakfast requested.

He feels Louis’ fingers skim across his back as he walks past and Liam knows the feeling before it hits him but he’s terrified of it, so he swallows it down and pretends it isn’t there. Louis leads Reah out of the room and in to the living room and Liam’s left in the kitchen with a grinning Niall.

“I’ve never seen him like this,” Niall says honestly shocked. “What did you do to him last night?”

Liam shrugs, ducking his head to hide his reddening cheeks.

“Christ, Payno.” Niall laughs. “You proper fucking wrecked him didn’t you?”

Liam throws the dish cloth in his friend’s direction. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Okay, okay.” Niall says, taking a minute to stop laughing and then. “Do you know what you’re doing?”

“No.” Liam replies honestly.

“Do you think maybe you need to talk about it?”

“Yes.” Liam agrees.

“Do you think you will talk about it?”

“No,” Liam says again.

“Do you think that’s best idea considering you have Eva now?”

“No,” Liam sighs. “I don’t know. I haven’t really been thinking, just going with the flow, it’s worked so far.”

Niall—who’s king of going with the flow—frowns at him. “And if it all goes to shit?”

“Then we cross that bridge when we come to it,” Liam says unsure.

Niall makes a disappointed noise. “That’s not thinking with Eva in mind."

“You know what, Ni.” Liam snap, suddenly irritated. “At the end of the day, she’s still going to have both of us if things do go to shit. So I don’t know why you’re up my arse about it.”

“Because I’ve lost two of my best friends too,” Niall informs him. “And I know these past few months have been hard for you and Lou but it’s been hard on me as well, and the last thing any of us need is to not be friends anymore. The last thing they’d want—especially for Eva—is to have the two people they intrusted her to, to not take care of her together.”

Liam lets out a long breath and leans back against the kitchen counter. “Last night I had some really good sex and this morning I’m having to marry the guy I had it with.”

“Look, you don’t have to do anything serious, especially not that serious.” Niall tells him. “But you do have to figure out if it was a one-time thing or a long-term thing. For both of your sakes, as well as everyone else.”

Liam nods, and he kind of agrees. Except he’s not the one afraid of commitment, he’s the one who wanted the life with the husband and the kid. It’s Louis who has to decide if he wants to spend the rest of his life playing house with Liam and Eva or if he wants to bolt and continue being a glorified bachelor.

“I’ll have strawberries with my pancakes,” Niall says with an easy smile.

Liam smiles back, and thanks whatever god gave him Niall Horan.

*

Liam starts to think that the answer to Niall’s question might be long-term. After that day their relationship completely changes, they instantly fall in to couple mode. They do the weekly shop together—instead of Liam dragging Niall along like normal—and go to lunch together on the days they have off and Eva’s in playgroup and spend their nights either having sex or curled up together in either bed talking about anything and everything. There’s subconscious touches and goodbye kisses, and everything Liam has had in a long-term relationship in the past.

And he thinks Louis’ on board—even though they haven’t talked about it, he seemed to be in to the realationship as much as Liam was—until almost a week later, on the Sunday when they’re having a lazy day of watching crap TV and playing with Eva. Liam’s working through the post they’d been ignoring for the past couple of weeks—catching up on bills and throwing out junk mail—when he comes across a letter addressed to Louis from Victor Demarchlier, who Liam knows is a famous fashion photographer, because he’s all Louis used to talk about when he decided to do fashion photography for his dissertation.

“There’s a letter here for you,” Liam says slowly. “It’s from Victor Demarchelier.”

Louis entire body tenses where he’s playing on the floor with Eva. “It’s really old, throw it out, yeah?”

“That’s funny because it’s dated the 9th of January.” Liam says and holds up the letter up to show Louis. “What is it?”

“It’s part of a job offer,” Louis explains quietly like he’s trying not to spook a wild animal. “My old professor has sent a bunch of my work to his office over the years, and they finally took notice.”

“What’s the job?” Liam asks.

“Working as his assistant in New York, which would be a step down from my current job but I would be working with the son of one of the world’s most influential fashion photographers.” Louis explains.

There’s a look on his face that Liam knows too well, it’s the look Harry and Zayn had anytime they talked about each or Eva. It’s the look Niall has when he talks new music projects he has going on (or recently Reah). It’s a look Liam knows is on his own face anytime he talks about opening his own practice (or recently Louis and Eva). It’s a look someone has when they talk about something they truly love. A look Liam has never seen on Louis before.

“So you turned it down, right?” Liam asks like it’s obvious. “Because you can’t go to New York, you have Eva.”

The _‘and me’_ he leaves silent.

“I told them I’d think about it.” Louis says after he’s silent for a really long time.

“And when were you gonna tell me about it?” Liam demands and a little louder when Louis doesn’t answer straight away. “When, Louis?!”

Louis ducks his head, avoiding eye contact.

“Coward,” Liam spits. “You’re a fucking coward.”

He’s not talking about the job offer and they both know it.

“Liam,” Louis calls out for him

Liam’s already gone, collecting Eva from the floor and storming out of the house. He manages to get her strapped in to the back of his car before Louis comes outside. He closes the door on her, not wanting to argue in front of her.

“It’s a great opportunity,” Louis says when Liam turns to face him.

“So was touring with the England rugby team,” Liam spits back, and then because he wants to cause Louis pain. “So was George.”

Except it doesn’t bring him the relief he hoped for when the clear hurt crosses Louis’ face. He ignores it though, trying to run with his anger rather than his pain.

“So, how was this going to work exactly?” He asks, crossing his arms to hold himself together but hoping comes across as intimidation. “Were you going to sneak out in the middle of the night? Leave _us_ like we’re another one of your one night stands.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that,” Louis frowns.

Liam swallows harshly, finally letting his anger dissolve. “Then what would you do, Louis?”

“I don’t know,” Louis admits quietly. “This isn’t—it’s not something I planned for.”

“The job or _us_?” Liam asks, frightened of the reply.

Louis stays quiet and Liam takes the silence as his answer.

“You should take the job,” Liam tells him. “I can take care of Eva myself, that’s what you wanted from the start anyway so…”

“I’m sorry,” Louis says but nothing else.

Liam ignores him, climbing in the car and slamming the door behind him. He doesn’t look at Louis as he reverses off the driveway and he doesn’t let himself look back once he’s pulled away from the house.

He drives until his legs ache and Eva starts fussing in the back, and when he stops it’s at a place he never expected. He parks the car in the small car park and gets Eva out of her car seat. She’s crying now, but it’s not her upset or tired or even her hungry cry. It’s her attention seeking cry, which he easily appeases by talking to her a bit. It’s only then Liam realises how longs it been, that he’s been taking care of Eva for long enough that he can distinguish between her cries.

He grabs a toy out of the bag that rests in the passenger footwell and hands it to her, heading down the path until he gets to where he wants.

“Hi, Z.” He says softly, sitting down on the grave with Eva on his lap.

The stone reads _‘In loving memory of Zayn Styles, loving husband, father and friend’_ followed by his date of birth and the date he died, then at the bottom there’s some quote—about never really losing someone—that his mum liked. There’s also a small oval framed picture placed at the top.

He remembers a few days after the accident, sitting in his living room, feeling completely numb, while listening to his sisters argue over what picture should be used. He doesn’t like the one they picked, it’s from their graduation, a grainy photo of him in his cap and gown. But it’s not the time of the photo, or even the quality, it’s the fact that Zayn’s not smiling and Liam doesn’t want him to be remembered like that. He wants one where he’s laughing, the wrinkles around his eyes showing just how happy he was.

“Baba,” Eva says, making a grabby hand gesture at the picture.

“That’s right, baby girl,” Liam tells her softly, pressing a kiss to her head.

Eva looks up at him for a second but soon turns her focus back to the toy in her hand. Liam pulls her more on to his lap, resting his chin on her head and starts talking.

He starts with the accident, he tells Zayn how hard was at first and admits how he didn’t think he was going to make it through the first few days. He moves on to Eva and how well she’s doing, he tells him about all the new words she’s coming out with and how more knackering it is now she can walk.

It takes him a while to get on to the subject of Louis but he does eventually. He starts ranting first, like he did all those years ago. He complains about what a pain the arse Louis is to live with and how difficult he’s made all of this. But he soon changes his tone, knowing it’s a lie because Louis had been crutch since the very first day. So he tells him instead about the Christmas Eve kiss and the New Year’s Eve kiss and night at the restaurant, and a bit of what happened after the night at the restaurant. He goes on to complain about how infuriating today has been, and how even though Louis has been a pain the arse and even though he’s hurt, the feelings haven’t gone away.

“I think I love him, and it’s all your fault.” He finishes quietly, feeling good to be able to finally admit it out loud.

Eva’s asleep now, her toy abandoned on the grass beside them. He knows he should go soon, not wanting to keep her out in the cold for longer than he needs to. So he says his final goodbyes, presses a kiss to his fingers and press them to the photo.

He looks to Harry’s grave in the last moment, staring at the younger lad’s smiling face that matches the baby girl’s in his arms.

“Take care of him for me, yeah?” He asks softly, feeling a single tear roll down his cheek. “And I’ll try my best to do the same down here.”

He does the same to the picture as he did to Zayn’s, and then he stands up, careful not to jostle Eva awake. As he walks back to the car he feels a weight has been lifted off his chest, like he’d finally allowed himself to say goodbye.

*

He drives another two hours until he pulls in to the drive of his family home. The blinds to the front window are open and he can see his mother and father sat together on the couch, watching TV. They must spot him too because the moment he’s walked up the drive to the front door, it’s open, the both of them stood at it looking worried as ever.

“What happened?” His mother asks, trying to bring him in for a cuddle.

His father reaches for Eva, who’s obviously still half asleep because she goes to him easily.

“I don’t like the photo,” He says as his mother leads him in to the living room.

“What photo?” She asks confused, pulling him down on the couch.

Liam rubs at his face, watching as his dad sits on the chair opposite with Eva. “The one on Z’s grave. I don’t like it.”

“Is that where you’ve been?” His mother asks, still trying to piece together why he’s there so late on a Sunday night.

Liam nods. “The photo’s not right, it doesn’t look like him.”

“Okay,” She says slowly. “That’s okay, we’ll get it changed. You pick one and we’ll change it to that.”

Liam nods, watching Eva fall asleep in his grandfather’s arms, with him not looking far behind.

“Why are you here, baby?” His mother asks softly, curling her fingers under his chin to pull his face back in her direction.

“I had a fight with Louis,” He explains through a shaky breath.

“About what?”

“He got a job in New York as some fashion photographer’s assistant,” Liam shrugs. “I told him to go.”

“And what did he say?”

“Nothing,” Liam replies, dropping his gaze to his lap. “He wants to go, he can go. Eva doesn’t need him, I can look after her just fine on my own.”

“Eva doesn’t need him or you don’t need him?” His mother wonders.

“I don’t know,” Liam admits.

“I think you need to talk, the two of you, about everything.” His mother advices. “Stay here tonight and drive back in the morning, we’ll take Eva until you’ve sorted everything out.”

Liam looks to her and finally lets the emotions get the better of him. “W-what if he doesn’t want me?”

“Of course he wants you, baby.” His mother soothes, stroking her thumb gently across his cheekbone. “Who wouldn’t want you?”

“But what if choses the job?” Liam worries.

“He won’t.” She replies determined. “He’s scared right now, that’s all.”

“And I’m not?” Liam cries. “I’m terrified. I need him, mum. I don’t—I know I can’t do this on my own. I don’t want to do this on my own.”

“You won’t have to, love.” She promises. “If god forbid Louis doesn’t see the error of his ways, you have a good support system around you. Your father and I are always here, we’ll take Eva whenever you need a break. You won’t be it alone, baby. You’ll never been in it alone.”

Liam falls in to comforting arms and tries his best to make himself believe her words.

*

It's a nervouse two hour drive back to the house the next day, and when he pulls in to the driveway and finds Louis' car not there, he feels like he's lost his chance. His mother tells him to wait when he rings, so he does, he grabs a beer from the fridge and sits on the couch in the living room, and he waits. It's almost dark outside by the time headlights shine through the living room, and Liam holds his breath as he stands up from the couch, listening as Louis unlocks the front door.

"Jesus," Louis cries when he comes in to the living room, not expecting Liam.

"Nope, just me." Liam says lamely.

Louis offers a slight smile but it soon disapears, the both of them staring at each other in silence until.

“I didn’t take the job.” Louis says. “I don’t want you to go.” Liam says at the same time.

“I didn’t take the job,” Louis repeats. “I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because you didn’t want me to go,” Louis tells him with a grin that disappears as fast as it comes. “Because I wouldn’t feel right moving all that way without my family.”

“Family?”

“You and Eva,” Louis explains. “My family.”

“Family,” Liam nods, a little breathless.

“I was scared, okay.” Louis admits. “It was like overnight I lost my best friend, gained a kid and that was a lot to take in itself, and then there was you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.” Louis says with a small laugh. “God you piss me off, you actually infuriate to the point of wanting to commit murder sometimes.”

 _‘Ditto’_ Liam thinks.

“But then we got Eva and we were forced to live together and I tried harder to understand why you did certain things,” Louis continues. “And more I did that the more I started to notice other things, good things, and the more I noticed them, the less the first things mattered. Does that makes sense?”

“A little,” Liam nods, trying to hold back is smile.

“And then there was New Year’s Eve, and that kiss. God, that kiss.” Louis says a little breathless.

Liam can’t help but feel a little proud.

“Then Z’s birthday, we had such a good night at the restaurant and afterwards.” Louis says with a slight sheepish smile. “I didn’t know sex could be that good, and I’ve had a lot of sex.”

Liam grins but doesn’t say anything, waiting for Louis to be done before he speaks.

“And the next day it was so easy to be around you and I’ve never had that with anyone I’ve slept with.” Louis admits. “So I let it carry on, and we fell together so easily. And then one morning I woke up late and you were in the kitchen with Eva, you were singing Bob Marley to her while you cooked breakfast, and I thought this is it, this is what I want to wake up to for the rest of my life.”

Liam’s chest feels tight.

“And that’s when I realised I’d fallen in love with you,” Louis says quietly. “And that terrified me more than hearing _they_ left us Eva.”

 _Love_. Louis loves him. Liam can’t breathe.

“Say something,” Louis pleads when Liam doesn’t talk for a long time.

But Liam can’t because even though he may have come to terms with the fact he was in love with Louis. Having the feeling returned wasn’t something he let himself believe was an option.

“It’s okay, if you don’t—if the feeling’s not mutual,” Louis says though his face tells a different story. He looks like if Liam says he doesn’t love him back then there’s a possibility he might die.

“I love you too,” Liam finally blurts. “God, I really fucking do.”

Louis’ face breaks out in to a smile, bright and beautiful. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Liam nods. “You’re infuriating and a complete mess of a human being but I could never been with anyone else.”

“Not even George?”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Not even George.”

“You love me?” Louis says a little giddy.

“Oh god I wish I didn’t.” Liam laughs and puts a hand to Louis’ chest when he tries to come closer. “If we’re going to do this, you have to be sure.”

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life,” Louis says sincerely. “I’ve also never been more terrified but that’s not something you have to worry about, it’s something I’ve got to work through myself.”

“Why can’t we work through it together?”

“We can,” Louis agrees. “But that means you have to promise you won’t be constantly worried that I’m not one hundred percent committed to this.”

“Are you?” Liam asks.

“One hundred percent,” Louis nods, pushing Liam’s hand away from his chest so he can crowd in to his space.

“Okay,” Liam agrees softly, smiling when Louis pulls him in for a kiss.

*

“It’s a beautiful country,” Louis observes, swinging their hands back and forth like a child. “I can understand this being where he came from, this would suit him.”

“Yeah,” Liam replies quietly, keeping an eye on Eva who’s walking—as if she’s on a tight rope—along the wall a bit ahead of them.

“You okay?” Louis asks.

“Yeah,” Liam repeats with a small smile. “I’m glad we did this,”

“Me too,” Louis agrees, bringing their linked hands up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of Liam’s.

“We made it,” Eva squeals, jumping down off the wall so she can run over to the statue, stopping to greet the two elderly ladies that are sitting near it. She puts her hand on her heart and offers out her right hand, exactly the way Liam had taught her. “As-salamu alaykum.”

He’d tried to teach her as much as he could about Zayn’s faith, mostly the small things he’d learnt from his friend over their years together. But as she got older and started to understand more, she branched out on her own and now he finds she teaches him more than the other way around.

“Wa alaikum assalam.” Both ladies reply, shaking her hand one at a time.

Eva waves at them in a very British manor and then runs away and up to the statue. “It’s bigger than I thought.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Louis agrees, curling his arm around Liam’s waist as they stand behind her.

“What does it say at the bottom, sweetie?” Liam asks.

Eva bends down to where the writing is and reads slowly as she translates from Arabic in to English. “And whoever is patient and forgiving, these most surely are actions due to courage.”

The words sounds familiar to Liam and he knows why, he can hear Zayn’s voice in the back of his mind. Can remembers his friend at fifteen, a complete mess after his parents kicked him out, curled up in Liam’s bed and repeating the sentence over and over again under his breath.

Eva stands up and looks back up at the statue. “It’s from the Quran. I remember reading it in the one baba left me, he had it highlighted so his dada must have showed him it.”

“Shown,” Louis corrects.

“Shown,” Eva repeats to show she heard him. “I like it, it’s like the person who made it is saying you’d be courageous to be patient and forgiving of the people who don’t understand why you’re different.”

“She’s gonna be an art student,” Louis whispers to Liam.

“My heart’s still set on a singing career,” Liam replies with a grin.

“Neither,” Eva tells them, moving away from the statue and back to them. “I want to be a chef, like daddy.”

“Do you know your dad wanted to be a radio host at one point,” Louis informs her. “Then your baba came along and he changed his mind completely.”

“How?” Eva asks confused.

“Made him fall in love with him in our restaurant,” Louis explains. “He couldn’t leave the place after that, like his heart trapped him there.”

“Was he sad?” Eva questions. “That he didn’t do what he wanted?”

“No, he wasn’t sad, he was very happy.” Louis replies and then looks to Liam. “He knew that sometimes life doesn’t go the way you plan, and sometimes the things you don’t plan are much better.”

Liam smiles, leaning down to brush his lips across Louis’. Eva makes a disgusted noise and he pulls back in time to catch her rolling her eyes and walking away.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asks.

“We can come back tomorrow when Uncle Tommo has his camera,” She replies, in a tone that makes Liam question who the adult is. “I’m hungry, we’ll go back to the hotel for lunch.”

Liam laughs and Eva takes that as a yes, starting on her mission back down the hill. Liam moves his arm around Louis’ shoulder as they follow after her.

“She doesn’t get her attitude from me, you know.” Louis tells him.

“No?”

“No, I’d never be that demanding.” Louis says, honest to god looking like he believes it.

Liam laughs, so hard his side start to ache. “You keep me young.”

“Good,” Louis smiles, it’s teasing. “I’d kind of like to keep you around.”

“Yeah?” Liam asks as Louis reaches up to entwine their fingers, his thumb brushing over the ring that lies on one of Louis’.

“Kind of have to now, you’ve made me one of _them_.” Louis says not sounding half as disgusted as the sentence makes out.

“Terribly sorry about that.” Liam says with fake empathy.

“It’s okay,” Louis replies. “The sex isn’t half as boring as I’d thought it’d be.”

Liam laughs and presses a kiss to Louis’ temple.

“I love you,” Louis says and even after all these years, hearing it makes Liam’s heart skip a beat.

“More and more every day.” Liam replies, not caring that it earns him a slap on the chest for being too cheesy.

**Author's Note:**

> So, there we go. Sorry for any heartbreak. I also apologise for the terrible smut scene, i'm not the greatest at writing smut but I thought the fic would suck if I didn't include it. 
> 
> (Just a little FYI everything in this fic is fictional. Including laws regarding child rearing and wills, physiotherapists and what they do and the length and time of rugby seasons.) 
> 
> (FYI again [this](http://www.leicestermercury.co.uk/images/localworld/ugc-images/275788/Article/images/19797113/5288766-large.jpg) is the goregous George who Liam dates because I don't think I have a proper description of him in the fic.)


End file.
